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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27525061">if there's nothing left</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/jooniesgukkie/pseuds/jooniesgukkie'>jooniesgukkie</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>SEVENTEEN (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Breaking Up &amp; Making Up, Drama, Explicit Sexual Content, Infidelity, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Lovers to enemies to lovers, M/M, Married Life, Mingyu is an Art Director, Pining, Romance, Second Chances, Sex, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, Smut, Tags May Change, Wonwoo is a Primary School Teacher, endgame meanie - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-08 22:08:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>25,285</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27525061</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/jooniesgukkie/pseuds/jooniesgukkie</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>for the past two years, wonwoo and mingyu have been living together like strangers with nothing but a wedding band barely keeping them together. will they be able to rekindle the love or is there nothing really left?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jeon Wonwoo/Kim Mingyu</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>114</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>175</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. one</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hello, it's jooniesgukkie again and i am back with a new fic! i hope you'll love this one. :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>the faint warmth of the sun seeps through the windows and kisses the side of  wonwoo’s face, stirring him awake. he rolls over to his side and finds mingyu, head propped on top of his arm staring at him endearingly. </p><p>“rise and shine, sleepyhead.” mingyu greets him in his deep, raspy morning voice. </p><p>“were you watching me sleep? that’s creepy you know.” wonwoo says, filled with fondness. waking up with mingyu beside him simply belongs to one of the best things in the world. </p><p>“shut up.” mingyu pouts. “you love me.” he shifts his position, pulls wonwoo closer, and wraps his strong arms around him.</p><p>“i know.” wonwoo agrees. “you render me weak.” </p><p>wonwoo buries his face in mingyu’s chest, inhaling his fresh and neat scent. mingyu’s warmth and presence instills a sense of security in him. mingyu feels like home. well, his heart is wonwoo’s home. </p><p>oh how excited wonwoo is to have an eternity of mornings like these with mingyu--- no one else but just the two of them in this harsh world. there is no place in the world wonwoo would rather be. </p><p>“i wish we could stay in bed a little longer.” wonwoo suggests, ghosting his mouth over mingyu’s sensitive spot in his neck. “maybe, we could consummate our imminent marriage a little early-- or like a small happy break-up sex because we’re no longer boyfriends in a matter of hours.” </p><p>“i would love that too but you don’t want to be late on our own wedding day, baby.” </p><p>“they can wait, it’s our wedding anyway.”</p><p>“let’s save the main event for tonight, babe. besides, seungkwan will kill us if he finds out we slept together. we’re not supposed to see each other until the ceremony later.” mingyu says, reminding wonwoo how uptight his cousin/planner when it comes to everything for this wedding. </p><p>wonwoo just laughs at this. he raises his head up and places a free palm on mingyu’s face. “we’ve been through a lot. there’s nothing in this world that would keep us from marrying each other and spending the rest of our lives together--- not even seungkwan’s wrath nor his superstition.” </p><p>“i know.” mingyu giggles, tilting his face so he could press a kiss on wonwoo’s hand. “i can’t believe i’m marrying the love of my life. i can’t wait to marry you.” </p><p>“i can’t wait to marry you too.” wonwoo echoes as mingyu places a soft kiss on the crown of his fiancé’s head then his lips. </p><p>in truth, wonwoo is growing impatient. there is nothing more in this world that he wants to do but to be rightfully mingyu’s and mingyu rightfully his. in a few hours, their love for each other will intertwine their lives into one. this is the day wonwoo has been waiting for ever since the moment he realized he loves mingyu with every shred of his being. </p><p>wonwoo doesn’t want to live a life without his other half. there is a gaping hole in his heart that only kim mingyu could fill--- no one else. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>six years later</b>
</p><p>a massive frame of mingyu and wonwoo’s wedding photo hangs on the wall directly facing the entryway. it’s the first thing that catches the eye upon entering their humble abode. </p><p>in the picture, mingyu, dressed in an ebony suit, stands tall while wonwoo, in a complementing ivory suit, leans his head on his husband’s shoulder. their arms are linked together as they look into the camera with the widest smiles etched on their faces. it had been taken a few moments after they exchanged wedding vows in the presence of dearest family and friends. the whole event had been simple, but it was nothing short of magical.</p><p>the picture is a perfect imprint of a beautiful memory; one wonwoo wishes he could look without the feeling tainted by bitterness. for the longest time, wonwoo has avoided looking at it but for some reason today, he finds himself gazing at it and it leaves a sour taste in his mouth. </p><p>it’s the perfect wedding he could ever hope for; as for the marriage part--- well, forget about it. </p><p>wonwoo toes off his shoes to the side. mingyu’s pair of slippers are still parked beside his own, an indication that his husband isn’t home yet. he glances at the clock, it’s only seven-thirty and realizes this is the first time in a while he has come home before mingyu. </p><p>he really should do something about the framed picture, though. the longer it stays there, the more it becomes an eyesore to him. he has to take it down, store it in the garage, replace it with a painting, throw it away, burn it to ashes---- whichever feels convenient. </p><p>wonwoo is pulled from his thoughts when he hears the front door click open. he turns around and sees mingyu emerge from the door, appearance a bit frazzled probably from a long day at work. </p><p>“oh, you’re home early.” mingyu gasps in surprise as he sets the camera tripod he’s lugging on his back down onto the floor. </p><p>“yeah, obviously.” wonwoo replies, deadpan. he collects his satchel from the couch and slings it over his shoulders. </p><p>“easy day at work?” mingyu attempts to make a conversation as he passes by wonwoo to get a glass of water from the fridge. “i hope the kids are not giving you a hard time---” </p><p>“you know what, i’m tired.” wonwoo cuts him off. “i’ll just head to my room.” he turns his back on his husband and makes his way upstairs without saying another word. </p><p>he enters his bedroom and flops on the mattress, he rubs the knots at the back of his neck away. the exhaustion creeps up on him, so he decides that a nice long bath could make him feel better.</p><p>he heads to the bathroom and takes out the set of bath bombs soonyoung gifted him after a trip from paris and drops them onto the tub. the delicate scent of lavenders permeates the air and it’s already putting him at ease. he strips off his clothes and dips his toes in the water. </p><p>after his bath, he puts on a fresh pair of pyjamas and retreats to his study. he picks up a book laid haphazardly on his desk, it’s his tattered copy of the wind-up bird chronicle and reclines on the chaise lounge near the window. there is a heap of paperwork waiting for him on his desk but he supposes it could wait for another day. </p><p>he can hear faint sounds of jostling in the kitchen downstairs but he pays it no mind. after all, the kitchen is mingyu’s turf in their house and he doesn’t particularly care what his husband is up to. wonwoo has long decided it’s much better that way. </p><p>after a while, wonwoo’s small peace is interrupted when he hears a firm knock on the door. </p><p>“hey, wonwoo.”</p><p>wonwoo looks up and finds mingyu hovering by the doorway, holding a steaming mug of coffee in his hands. he chooses to pretend that he’s unbothered by mingyu’s unwelcome visit. he lets out a noncommittal hum to acknowledge his husband’s presence. mingyu lets himself in and places the mug on the nearest table. </p><p>“i brought you coffee.” mingyu tells him, clasping his hands behind his back. </p><p>“thanks.” wonwoo says, not once even looking up from his book to face mingyu, who’s awkwardly hovering there. </p><p>mingyu shifts his weight from one leg to the other. “so, i got promoted today.” he says with a small hint of pride in his tone. “i’ll replace namjoon-ssi as the gallery’s chief curator since he’s getting transferred to munich by the end of the month.” </p><p>“congratulations, then.” wonwoo says, it comes out a little irritated. don’t get him wrong, he’s happy that mingyu got the promotion but he just wants to be left alone. </p><p>“well, i’m hoping you could join me for dinner tonight.” mingyu asks him, hoping for some positive response from wonwoo. “i whipped up a small feast downstairs for the two of us to enjoy together.” </p><p>wonwoo can feel the excitement thrumming from mingyu. he’s aware how important getting the position is for his husband. it has been something he has been working hard for ever since he was accepted to work at the gallery four years ago. however, no matter how hard he tries, wonwoo feels like he can no longer share these moments of  happiness and pride with mingyu. </p><p>“i appreciate the offer but i already ate early dinner with my co-teachers awhile ago.” wonwoo declines turning his attention back on his book. he can see the way mingyu’s face falls when he gives him a quick glance. </p><p>“oh, i see.” mingyu says, as he tries to conceal his disappoinment. “if you want, i could pack you some leftovers for lunch tomorrow.” </p><p>“no, i’m good.” wonwoo refuses him again. “i have plans with soonyoung tomorrow. he just got back from a competition in japan.” </p><p>mingyu visibly deflates with yet, another refusal from wonwoo. “i’ll get going now, wonwoo. send my regards to soonyoung.” he’s accepted that this conversation with wonwoo isn’t getting anywhere so it’s much better to leave. </p><p>wonwoo observes the way mingyu’s shoulders sag from dejection as he turns his back and makes his exit. he gives wonwoo a meek smile before he gently closes the door with a soft click. once he’s out wonwoo sets down the book his reading and slumps back on the lounge, fingers rubbing his temple. </p><p>the weight of the wedding band tucked hidden as a pendant underneath his shirt grows heavy. it’s so exhausting to stay in a marriage that is reduced to nothing but a lost cause. </p><p> </p><p>by the time midnight rolls around, wonwoo is still wide awake. his body is already weary after poring through the tall heap of paperwork in his desk. after the conversation with mingyu earlier, he needed something to get his mind off thinking too much again, hoping it will exhaust him and send him straight to sleep. however, it never happened. </p><p>annoyed, he kicks off the blanket covering his body and swings off the bed hastily. he decides to make himself some chamomile tea in hopes that it will help him rest peacefully for the rest of the night. </p><p>he makes his way downstairs and finds the television in the living room still turned on, volume turned all the way down. wonwoo sighs, mingyu must have forgotten to turn it off again. he should probably talk to him tomorrow and remind him that leaving appliances on for long periods of time is going to blow up their electricity bill. </p><p>he shuffles around to turn it off when his eyes land on the couch where mingyu is fast asleep, body unnaturally curled up. the couch is small for his too long limbs. wonwoo looks around to find stacked plates of food and empty beer cans littered around him. </p><p><em> he must have had one hell of a celebration </em>, wonwoo thinks to himself as he begins bending down to pick up the trash scattered around. he cannot stand knowing their house is a mess so he takes it upon himself to clean up. </p><p>without meaning to, he gazes at mingyu’s sleeping figure. he kneels down and observes how the blue light emitted by the television illuminates mingyu’s face. he looks much younger when he’s asleep but the bags underneath his eyes are heavy and his brows are tightly furrowed. </p><p>“m-miss you, w-wonwoo.” mingyu mumbles in his sleep. wonwoo wipes away the fresh track of tears that stain mingyu’s cheeks. </p><p>thank heavens mingyu is out like a light or else wonwoo would never have the courage to come this near at him again. it’s been what---- two years since wonwoo has allowed himself to be physically close to his husband. </p><p>wonwoo wonders how different things would be for the two of them if mingyu never committed the mistake that put their marriage into this situation of estrangement. things wouldn’t be perfect but at least they’re together. they would be happy and they’d both celebrate this important milestone in each other’s arms. they wouldn’t act like two strangers with memories and a stupid piece of paper binding them together. </p><p>at this point, wonwoo knows it’s all wistful thinking. what is done is already done and there’s no reverse card to turn back time and erase all the pain. forgiveness doesn’t come easy either and he doesn’t know if the day will come that he can give it to mingyu. </p><p>sighing, he gets up and slips a pillow underneath mingyu’s head, careful enough not to stir him awake. next, wonwoo retrieves the blanket he keeps tucked underneath the couch and drapes it across his husband’s body. he decides to keep the television on to keep mingyu company knowing that mingyu is scared of the dark even if he is a full-grown man. </p><p>wonwoo looks at mingyu for the last time, forgetting about the tea he wants to make as he returns to his bedroom. sleep comes to him easily and he dreams of the happy memory of the two of them moments before their wedding happened.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>so how did you find the first chapter? </p><p>if you have read my first work for the fandom, an ode--- you'll find that this is one of the one-shots i wrote. i know i said i won't write a full fic about it but personally, i am so in love with the plot that i decided to turn it into a chaptered story. i could promise you that this will be a roller-coaster ride and i hope you will join me as we see how this fic's meanie's fate in this one. </p><p>(i also plan to turn one of the chapters in my ficlet collection into a full one but that's a story for later hehe)</p><p>if you have time please check out my other works and my ongoing collab with the amazing Aristotle_410 entitled LoveGame. it's also a good one. </p><p>let me know your thoughts! don't forget to leave kudos and comments for this fic. thank you so much!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>wonwoo wakes up to the sound of rain pattering on the window. he rolls over to his side and checks his phone charging on the nightstand. the time on the clock says it’s six thirty. no new important messages at least, just the usual bimonthly promotional email from the organic grocery store nearby. </p><p>he drags his barely awake body out of the comforts of his bed and readies himself for another day dealing with rowdy grade schoolers. he works as one of the second-grade teachers at an elementary school half an hour away from where he lives. </p><p>he initially dreams of becoming a novelist but his mother early on insisted that he should take a more practical route. wonwoo supposes teaching children isn’t a bad choice as well. after all, there is something noble in taking part in molding a human being in their formative years. besides, even if the children are a pain in the ass most of the time, being around them gives wonwoo happiness. he honestly wants his own too but with the way things are going right now, his students are enough for him. </p><p>wonwoo picks out a loose pastel yellow button up and a pair of fresh jeans from the closet. the faculty are free to dress as they please so he always opts for something that makes him look amiable and casual. also, with his line of work, he needs to dress up with clothes that are easy to clean since he never knows when he’ll get tangled up when the kids make a mess. </p><p>by the time wonwoo is done with his morning routine, he has an hour left before the first period begins. normally, this wouldn’t be a problem but it’s raining cats and dogs outside. his car isn’t with him since hyerim, his younger sister loaned it out for the week for a cross-country trip and even if he lugs the largest umbrella he could find, he’ll be soaked from head to toe just on his way to the bus stop because it’s a good three blocks away. it would also be hard to catch a ride today since more people would commute because of the heavy downpour. </p><p>the day has barely begun and it’s already stressing wonwoo out. he paces back and forth in the living room as he runs through his options in his head. he could call soonyoung to come and pick him up but his best friend lives halfway across the city. it would take more than an hour alone with the traffic and all for soonyoung to arrive at his home. he supposes the best thing he could do is to wait for the rain to die down, his boss might let his tardiness slide for today since he has a valid reason, after all. </p><p>as if on cue, mingyu jogs down the stairs in a plain white tee and distressed jeans, shoes dangling in his hands. his hair's still wet from showering and he looks as if he didn’t get himself drunk to oblivion last night. wonwoo looks away and pretends he didn’t notice mingyu’s presence. </p><p>“good morning, wonwoo.” mingyu greets in a chipper tone as walks over to the couch and proceeds to put on his converse. “it’s raining really hard, yeah?” </p><p>wonwoo bitterly remembers the events of last night and he’d rather not be in the same vicinity with mingyu. if he’s being honest with himself, he’s a little guilty of how rude he acted towards his husband last night. mingyu still doesn’t deserve the kindness but could have been more decent. </p><p>before the conversation gets any longer, wonwoo pockets his phone and slings his bag over his shoulders. “yeah.” he murmurs awkwardly. “i have to go.” </p><p>“oh-kay.” mingyu nods. “have a good day, wonwoo.” </p><p>wonwoo heads out the door and joke’s on him, the rain intensifies even more so he’s stuck on the front steps like a small petulant child. he feels like the world is really out to get him today and he’s not in the least bit happy about it. </p><p>a few moments later the door opens and mingyu emerges, also ready to leave on his way to work. </p><p>“i thought you left already?” mingyu looks confused to find his wonwoo sitting on the steps. it seems like it doesn’t take long for him to figure out the reason why because his face lights up in realization.</p><p>wonwoo is taken aback when mingyu taps him on the shoulders without any hesitation. he looks up and finds mingyu smiling at him. “come on.” mingyu says to him. “i’ll drive you to school today.” </p><p>“no, it’s alright. i don’t think the rain will last long.” wonwoo declines without missing a beat. he motions towards the rain which will most likely pour heavily for another hour or so. </p><p>“you’re already running late and the traffic will be horrible on the main streets by now.” mingyu tries to reason with him. </p><p>wonwoo weighs the options he has at hand but he knows mingyu is correct. heck, kim mingyu is always correct and it’s just so annoying. the roads would be packed with vehicles at this hour and commuting would prove to be a hassle. soonyoung’s help is out of the question and if he stays here to wait the rain out, it would be much better to skip work today which he could not afford to do either. </p><p>“look, i know you don’t want to be put in this situation, wonwoo but it doesn’t have to mean anything. i just want to help you out, it doesn’t have to be something.” mingyu pleads to wonwoo like he is the one who is asking the favor. “it’s raining really hard and you need to arrive at your workplace as soon as possible, just think of it like that.” </p><p>well, it looks like wonwoo doesn’t have much choice left, doesn’t he? he gets up from his spot and dusts off his pants. he gathers his belongings and shoots mingyu a straight look as he huffs in resignation. </p><p>“fine.”</p><p> </p><p>wonwoo and mingyu spend the ride in the car in relative silence. the rain is obviously far from simmering down but at least, it isn’t as intense when they have left the house earlier. however, the air between them is suffocatingly heavy and the only thing filling the awkward silence is the music playing from the car stereo. </p><p>wonwoo realizes that the songs playing are familiar. chris martin’s voice singing everglow resonates with wonwoo all of a sudden. of course, it has to be the same playlist he picked out for mingyu a few years ago. he remembers sitting in the same spot, shotgun, with his husband's phone in his hands, laughing with mingyu as he browses through the selection of songs. </p><p>“it better be good.” mingyu had said to him in a teasing tone as he stole fond glances at his husband while driving. </p><p>“yah, i have impeccable music taste!” wonwoo whined as he scrolled through the screen. “this will be the soundtrack of your life, kim mingyu.” </p><p>mingyu chuckled and extended an arm to rest on wonwoo’s left thigh. “i know, babe.” he said, patting his husband’s leg gently. “i would always love everything that you pick out for me.”</p><p>that had been then, when wonwoo was still so certain with mingyu’s love for him. now, he can’t even bear to look at him without feeling betrayed and wonwoo just wants to forget everything. so much has changed in so little time but here in the confines of mingyu’s car, there is so much to remember with the imprints left of their past. </p><p>the leather of the car seat smells so much of mingyu’s signature fresh, cottony scent. clipped onto the rearview mirror is a polaroid of mingyu and wonwoo smiling at the camera taken a few years into their relationship.  dangling behind the picture is the red dreamcatcher they bought in a flea market on a past trip to jeju. resting on the dashboard are the first designer sunglasses wonwoo gifted mingyu straight after his first year of teaching. </p><p>there are so much remnants from a picture perfect past, all making wonwoo's head spin as a sinking feeling weighs in on him. he’s trying to distract himself from the fact that mingyu is just a few inches away from him but it doesn't seem to work. he proceeds to make himself small in his position, the farthest he could get away from mingyu. he leans his head on the window and begins to count the amount of raindrops clinging onto the surface. if he counts hard enough he might be able to fight the urge to hold mingyu’s hand, the one that isn’t on the steering wheel. </p><p> </p><p>a good fifteen minutes have passed since the car has moved a single inch and it’s beginning to make wonwoo antsy in his spot. “oh, c’mon. why aren’t we moving?” he complains under his breath. </p><p><b>“</b>you okay?” mingyu checks in on him, worried. </p><p>“the traffic is so bad.” wonwoo grumbles. </p><p>“there might be an accident up ahead.” mingyu says, noting the influx of sirens blaring past them. “the roads are slippery so the chances for such to occur are higher.” </p><p>the car ride was smooth until they reached the main intersection where the cars started to pile up, all stuck in the same positions. the traffic in seoul can become quite terrible when it rains and wonwoo feels like he’s in one massive ploy designed by the universe right now. </p><p>“talk about perfect timing.” wonwoo rolls his eyes as he throws himself back onto the seat indignantly. “it’s raining and now i’m stuck in traffic until god knows when.” </p><p>“you should go text your boss that you’ll be late or something.” mingyu suggests to him. “i am sure he’ll totally understand.” </p><p>“already did.” wonwoo shrugs. </p><p>mingyu just purses his lips and stares ahead as they fall back into awkward silence. the rain has calmed down into a light drizzle and the sun is starting to peek out again behind the thick grey clouds by now. </p><p>a growing unease makes wonwoo’s stomach churn. he’s worried that he’s already late to his work and that some of his pupils might already be there waiting for him, running amok without their teacher. he wants to believe that it’s the reason why he’s anxious but he’ll be lying to himself if he says that. </p><p>the truth is, he doesn’t want to spend another minute in this car with mingyu. the longer he stays here, the more it’s driving him crazy. the atmosphere is so thick and it’s making him more uncomfortable than he already is. </p><p>mingyu clears his throat, breaking the silence engulfing the two of them. “so, about last night.” he begins, as if he’s trying to gauge wonwoo’s reaction. </p><p>“what about last night?” wonwoo asks, skeptical of mingyu’s intentions. thoughts start racing through his head as he tries to figure out where his husband is trying to go when he brings up the topic of last night’s events. </p><p>“i just want to say thank you.” mingyu says sincerely. </p><p>“for?” </p><p>“for taking care of me last night.” mingyu replies softly. he’s turning his full attention towards his husband and wonwoo can feel the tips of his ears burn. </p><p>wonwoo just draws his eyes away from mingyu and stares out into the window as he breathes deeply. “i don’t even know why i did that.” he snorts, mostly directed to himself. </p><p>mingyu does not answer, so wonwoo continues talking. “i regret doing it actually and i wish i didn’t because you don’t deserve my kindness. i hate being here with you. i hate sitting here in this car because i have no choice and now, i feel indebted to you. i don’t want to owe you anything, mingyu. i don’t want to do anything with you at all.” he spills his heart out, each word like a shard of glass intended to pierce mingyu’s heart. </p><p>“i’m sorry, i---” </p><p>“no.” wonwoo cuts him off. “i’ve had enough of your meaningless apologies. so please, save us both the trouble.” </p><p>mingyu sucks in a sharp breath. “okay, i’ll stop.” </p><p>luckily, the traffic starts to pick up again and vehicles gradually begin to move ahead. wonwoo is relieved that the conversation died down easily as mingyu goes back to focus on his driving.</p><p>wonwoo pretends he’s busy on his phone but he can’t ignore the sniffling sound mingyu makes on the other side. he steals a quick glance and sees the mingyu’s face painted with the most painful expression. he keeps gnawing on his bottom lip and his eyes are red-rimmed. </p><p>that instant, wonwoo feels guilty for the harsh words he said earlier but it needs to be done. he needs to remind mingyu of his place and how important it is that he shouldn’t cross any lines before wonwoo decides to cast him away for good. wonwoo knows he should though; it’s long overdue but he supposes he still needs to figure out what to do with the situation. </p><p> </p><p>they arrive at the school in no less than 30 minutes later and the rain started to pour again. mingyu pulls up in the driveway of the building where wonwoo teaches. wonwoo is about to open the car door when mingyu stops him by grabbing his left shoulder. </p><p>“wait here.” mingyu orders. </p><p>wonwoo, still too taken aback to move, just watches mingyu zip up his hoodie and go out of the car to retrieve something at the backseat. he flinches when he sees mingyu knocking on the window, holding an umbrella in his hand. </p><p>“what are you doing?” wonwoo says as he opens the door to climb out of mingyu’s car. </p><p>mingyu just shrugs. “it’s raining.” </p><p>wonwoo doesn’t say another word and simply obliges as mingyu walks him to the lobby with an umbrella over his head while mingyu is out drenched in the rain. </p><p>what is wonwoo supposed to say to him? what should he do? </p><p>“you don’t need to thank me, wonwoo.” mingyu says before turning on his heel to leave. wonwoo remains rooted in his spot as he watches mingyu’s figure retreat into the distance. </p><p>what does mingyu want to prove to him? wonwoo has been constantly reminding him that their relationship will never be okay anymore. no matter how hard he tries to hurt mingyu, his husband doesn’t seem to get the memo and instead, he still persists. wonwoo really wants to know why mingyu still hasn’t given up on him. </p><p>he is broken out of his thoughts when the sound of small, puttering footsteps approaching. “teacher kim! teacher kim! you’re finally here!”</p><p>“beomgyu, what are you doing outside of the classroom? the hall monitor might scold you.” wonwoo bends down to the level of his pupil to talk to him. </p><p>“you were taking so long to arrive.” beomgyu whines. “everyone was getting worried. we thought a monster might have kidnapped our favorite teacher.” </p><p>wonwoo chuckles at his pupil’s irresistible charms. “i’m here now, alright? besides, i’m too handsome for the monsters to kidnap.” he says as he takes beomgyu’s little hands and they start heading towards the classroom. </p><p>“teacher, is the tall man your protector?” beomgyu asks out of the blue. </p><p>“who?” </p><p>“the tall man with the umbrella.” beomgyu answers in a matter-of-fact tone. “he looks like the goblin in the drama my noona watches so he must be your protector. am i right, teacher?” </p><p>wonwoo struggles to find an answer, not when beomgyu is looking at him with wide naive eyes. how could he tell an eight year old the complicated position mingyu has in his life? he’s out of ideas so he settles with a not-exactly white lie that slips from his mouth. </p><p>“yes, i suppose he is.” </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i am so sorry that this update took too long. this is basically just a small chapter bc i am still figuring out where this fic is headed but i do hope you still like this chapter at least. i miss you all sm, tho!</p><p>let me know what you think about this chap by leaving down kudos and comments below! thank you and see u next update.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. three</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>wonwoo comes home to complete silence. </p><p>it’s the fourth day in a row for him to be welcomed by a sense of quiet in his house after a long day at work. in some way or the other, the house is normally filled by any form of subtle noise. </p><p>there’s no the beatles or frank sinatra blaring from the vintage gramophone to fill the house with music. there’s no clattering of pots and pans around the kitchen nor the unmistakable scent of food. the entire place looks neat but bare, almost unlived in without cardigans and sweaters hanging off chairs. no miscellaneous trinkets laying around haphazardly atop free surfaces. the silence that wraps his home feels a little bit foreign to him. </p><p>wonwoo climbs the stairs, floorboards loudly creaking under his feet. he almost thinks he’s got the home to himself up until he hears the steady stream of water gushing from the showerhead come from the common bathroom. </p><p>
  <em> so, mingyu is home.  </em>
</p><p>the thought crosses wonwoo’s head for a second before he decides it’s just useless information. of course, where would mingyu go? he has full rights to this property as much as wonwoo disliked it. besides, it isn’t like he particularly cares about his husband’s whereabouts. mingyu is always free to go and fuck himself as long as he does not bother wonwoo. </p><p>a loud rumbling noise coming from his stomach interrupts wonwoo from his intrusive thoughts, reminding him that he barely touched his food earlier. he hurries to his bedroom and flops himself on his mattress, the plushness bringing instant relief to his worn out body.</p><p>dealing with children on a daily basis is never easy, but for some reason, wonwoo’s pupils were a little more difficult to handle today. he had leave the rest of his classes to escort a child to the emergency room to get some stitches after playing with the other kids too roughly on the monkey bars on the playground. wonwoo had to hold the kid’s hand and wipe away the snot and tears until the parents could make it there. what made the whole ordeal worse was the fact wonwoo was never fond of hospitals, the place made him feel like he was at death’s doorstep. </p><p>the lingering scent of antiseptic messed up his appetite and it made lunch seem like a bad idea. it’s a good thing though, that he has the nearest family restaurant’s number on speed-dial and exactly thirty minutes later, the doorbell buzzes. </p><p>“here you go.” the delivery man hands over the bags of food to wonwoo with a weary smile after he gives his payment. “have a good night and enjoy your food, sir.” </p><p>“thank you.” wonwoo says. </p><p>he walks happily into the kitchen as he sets the food down on the counter. he unpacks the tupperwares one by one; the unmistakable aroma of galbitang permeates the air, filling his nostrils and making his mouth water in hunger. he drags the stool closer to the counter so that he could start digging in to his food.</p><p>“ah, this is heaven.” wonwoo gasps to himself as he slurps a spoonful of stew to his mouth. the warm, rich taste dances in his tongue spreading comfort all throughout his body. </p><p>halfway through his dinner, wonwoo hears familiar footsteps pad into the kitchen and he looks up from his food to find mingyu standing awkwardly on the threshold. he’s all bundled up in a thick cotton blue sweater and matching pyjama pants, dark circles underneath his eyes. </p><p>mingyu gives him a quick, surprised glance and ducks his head as he rummages through the cupboards. wonwoo goes on with his eating but he secretly follows the younger’s movements in the corner of his eye. </p><p>mingyu grabs his mug and a packet of chamomile tea from the shelf. he turns his back on wonwoo as he heats up the kettle on the stove. the sound of utensils clinking and mingyu’s impatient tapping on the counter compensates for the heavy air that hangs in between the two of them. </p><p>some part of wonwoo anticipates mingyu to strike up a conversation, like he always does even though wonwoo barely reciprocates his efforts.</p><p>in fact, this is the first time wonwoo has seen mingyu in a while after the incident. </p><p>after the car ride almost a week ago, mingyu started acting differently. he’s learned to make himself scarce around wonwoo--- avoiding any chance to be in the same room at the same time, leaving and arriving home at odd hours of the day, making sure that he doesn’t leave an imprint that he exists and now, he’s doing his best not to talk to wonwoo. </p><p>mingyu finishes up brewing his tea and leaves the room without speaking a word to wonwoo. for some reason, the parting doesn’t sit quite right with him. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“why are you complaining?” soonyoung wags his fork in front of wonwoo’s face. “isn’t this wonwoo, exactly what you wanted?” </p><p>wonwoo just looks at him blankly before turning his attention back to his plate of half-eaten soggy pasta. they’re currently having lunch in a quaint restaurant downtown--- as per soonyoung’s treat, a promise before his next trip to france. they have just spent the past hour talking about the new development in wonwoo and mingyu’s regressing relationship/home situation. </p><p>“mingyu is finally giving you space and he’s stopped acting like a righteous asshole that keeps on pretending that the enormous rift between you could simply be fixed by his million dollar smile and charming eyes.” soonyoung elaborates.</p><p>“okay, and your point with me is?” </p><p>“you seem unhappy about the whole ‘your husband going cold with you’ situation.” </p><p>alright, wonwoo certainly regrets bringing this topic up with his best friend because he knows soonyoung can actually figure him out before he even fully realizes it. </p><p>“no, i’m not and please stop referring to him as my husband.” wonwoo vehemently denies. </p><p>“i’m just pointing out the obvious, mister.” soonyoung sighs before he takes a generous bite of the walnut cake. </p><p>“swear, i am not in the least bit affected about it.” wonwoo tries his best to be nonchalant about it; tries his hardest not to reveal to his best friend that for some inexplicable reason, he’s bothered by mingyu’s shift in demeanor. </p><p>soonyoung is about to say something to him but before he does, the waiter approaches their table with a jug to refill their glasses with sparkling champagne. once the waiter leaves, the sweet smile on his face is replaced by a judgmental glare directed towards wonwoo. </p><p>“it’s just plain weird, okay?” wonwoo resigns. “it feels like i have a ghost for a housemate, not an actual living human being.”</p><p>“your life is not a paranormal activity franchise, won.” says soonyoung. “and you know, you should have left him a long time ago. his presence in your life is hindering you from moving forward, wonwoo. you can’t keep on adjusting your life for him. this is not healthy.”  </p><p>wonwoo wants to retort and say something sharp to throw off soonyoung but he’s well aware that his friend’s words ring the very truth. he hasn’t been living his life for the past couple of years. </p><p>learning how to ignore mingyu’s presence whilst living under the same roof isn’t moving on. it’s plain torture. wonwoo realizes that he hasn’t been fair to himself all along, he just set himself up for a newer kind of hurt.</p><p>soonyoung must have sensed his friend’s turmoil so he offers wonwoo a comforting smile. “look, i just want what’s good for you because first and foremost, you are basically family to me. i don’t want you to hurt because of him anymore.”</p><p>“i know, soonie. i know.” </p><p>wonwoo just hopes the universe gives him some sort of sign to tell him how he can go on with living his life. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>saturday mornings are sacred to wonwoo. </p><p>this is the day of the week specially reserved for some semblance of recuperation for wonwoo. no rowdy children, no mountains of papers that need to be graded, and no estranged husbands to bother him. </p><p>he’s free to do whatever he pleases today and no one can stop him, unless it’s an emergency. </p><p>mingyu is still behaving indifferently towards him but he’s slowly getting used to it. if this is the way things are going to be from now on, might as well begin enjoying it; wonwoo thinks to himself. </p><p>wonwoo decides today’s a good day to go on a run, get some fresh air, and enjoy the scenery. so he changes out of his pyjamas into his pink nike jacket, black tights and matching black running shoes and heads out to the nearest park located in the neighborhood. </p><p>wonwoo sees a group of senior citizens in the middle of their zumba class and a few parents whisk their children to the playground. he plans to run as many circuits as he can around the park just to keep his cardio levels going. </p><p>surprisingly, he runs into someone from his past. </p><p>“jeon wonwoo, is that really you?” </p><p>a tall, lean-bodied stranger approaches wonwoo. his hair is tucked underneath a green cap and he’s wearing a grey tracksuit ensemble. wonwoo isn’t wearing his glasses so he can’t really make out the stranger’s features from afar but as they come closer to him, there’s no mistaking that striking face. </p><p>“wen junhui?” </p><p>“the one and only.” </p><p>the last time wonwoo has seen junhui, it was six years ago on their graduation day. junhui is a good friend of wonwoo during their university days having shared a few classes here and there. ever since their parting, wonwoo hasn’t heard from him except from passive mentions from their mutual friends that he went home to china to pursue his love of acting. now here he is, a few years later, bumping into wonwoo on an occasional run in the neighborhood out of all places. </p><p>“long time, no see!” wonwoo slaps junhui’s shoulder lightly. “i can’t believe that this is actually happening.” he gushes. </p><p>“me too.” junhui echoes. </p><p>“you were gone for a really long time. i was starting to believe that you forgot about me because i heard you’ve made it big in china and all.” wonwoo jokes. </p><p>junhui chuckles. “oh no, that’s not true. it’s just a few projects here and there. it was good in the beginning, but along the way i realized that my heart isn’t really in it and something tells me i have to find it here in korea.” </p><p>there is a hint of sadness in junhui’s tone but wonwoo doesn’t comment on it. it’s not his place to pry for sensitive information like that so he decides to divert the topic into something lighter. besides, he and jun just reunited after years of not being able to see each other. </p><p>“so, when did you arrive here?” wonwoo asks. </p><p>“just three days ago.” jun shrugs simply. he steers wonwoo to the side of the trail so that the two of them could have a proper conversation. </p><p>“oh, where are you staying?” wonwoo asks, picking up a slow pace as they progressed walking towards the trail. </p><p>“my agent managed to get me an apartment in this side of the city last year as soon as i announced my plans of moving back here.” jun says. “most of my belongings have been shipped already and she also hired someone to furnish my home according to my liking. all that’s left is for me to settle back in.” </p><p>“really?” wonwoo’s eyes widen in excitement. “that’s great because i happen to live in the area too.” </p><p>jun’s face brightens up with the news. “amazing! you could absolutely show me around because a huge chunk of my memory with korea is gone and things have been so different the last time i was here.”</p><p>a flash of realization hits junhui, causing him to stumble with his words. “well, i don't want to impose. i mean… if you only have the time.” </p><p>wonwoo endearingly laughs at this. junhui is still the same dork he knew back when they were still in university. he locks elbows with junhui, dragging the unsuspecting boy with him towards the direction where the food stalls are set-up. </p><p>“c’mon. i know a good place that makes heavenly breakfast waffles. you certainly need to go there.” wonwoo tells him with so much enthusiasm. </p><p>jun breaks out into a wide grin. “that sounds like a good idea.” </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>so, what do you think of jun?</p><p>anyway, i'd like to say sorry if it took me a really long time to update. not gonna lie, i was considering discontinuing this fic and deleting it like it never happened but at a part of me says i can't give up yet. i am actually at a standstill because idk how this fic will flow but hopefully now, this chap will guide me. i am also open to reading your suggestions on how you would like this story to go. it would be a huge help. </p><p>please don't forget to comment down your thoughts and leave some kudos! thank you so much and lots of love!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. four</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hello, this early chapter is a gift for staying with me. ✨</p><p>note, 03/22/21: i revised some parts of the chap because i realized it was badly written and led me to a dead end for the future chaps. i hope you'll like it tho!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>wonwoo waits for junhui at the bus stop in their neighborhood. after running into each other last week, wonwoo and junhui have been messaging each other nonstop, catching up on lost time. today, wonwoo has offered junhui on a small day trip around the area and neighboring districts. </p><p>it’s nothing fancy, junhui just needs help in knowing where to run to in case he might need something and wonwoo is a good friend who is more than willing to oblige. </p><p>“wonwoo!” junhui calls out, waving his hands in the air as he spots wonwoo from a distance. he looks like he’s just stepped off the runway with an artfully styled loose button-up and tattered jeans. wonwoo somehow feels lacking with his get-up, an old cream jumper with tiny holes near the hem and loose stonewashed jeans. </p><p>of course, junhui is a celebrity in china. what else could he expect? wonwoo shrugs off his thoughts as he walks over to join junhui in boarding the newly-arrived bus. </p><p>“we could have taken my car, you know.” wonwoo comments as they settle on the seats at the rear-end of the bus, squeezing in with the other passengers who boarded first. he’s a little concerned about junhui’s comfort. </p><p>“nah, it’s fine.” junhui waves him off. “i need to relearn how to take public transportation here in korea anyway since i have no plans of getting a car anytime soon.” </p><p>“why?” </p><p>“i haven’t gotten my license yet.” junhui reveals.</p><p>“not even an international one?” </p><p>junhui confirms wonwoo’s question with an airy laugh. “can’t exactly drive myself when my agent literally does everything for me. weird for you, but it’s true.” he rolls his eyes playfully. </p><p>“oh.” wonwoo nods his head sympathetically. </p><p>“this is much more fun though!” junhui giddily exams. “i mean, it kind of reminds me of our university days back when we used to skip classes when we felt like it and went straight to the cat café near the campus for a quick fix of a serotonin boost.” </p><p>“touchè.” wonwoo agrees, recalling his naughty antics back in college. it’s affirmative that most of these memories involve either soonyoung or junhui. they were pretty much partners in crime. </p><p>the two of them get off the bus for the first spot in wonwoo’s semi-planned itinerary. the shopping center is located in the next district so wonwoo chose this area to go first. it’s better if they start off with places that are a little far from home and work their way closer on their way back. </p><p>“after you.” junhui holds the entrance door to make way for wonwoo like a true gentleman. </p><p>wonwoo mutters a small thanks for the gesture, pausing for a moment so that he and junhui could walk together. </p><p>the shopping center is packed with people coming here for the usual saturday bustle. students out of their uniforms walk in large groups, half-yelling as they conversed with each other. other shoppers flit in and out of various stores, each carrying loads of bags in their hands. </p><p>a young woman carrying a huge tote in her arms walks up to them out of nowhere. “hello, can i have a moment to talk to you?” she asks. </p><p>“why?” wonwoo asks, clearly annoyed. beside him, wonwoo could feel junhui tense up at the sudden intrusion.</p><p>she rummages through her bag and takes out two vials of what seems to be moisturizers. “if you have the time, i’d like to tell you that our shop is offering a 50% off promotional sale for our newly-launched skincare line. the two of you might be interested.” she says in an obviously fake cheery tone. </p><p>“i’m sorry, miss but we have important things to do.” wonwoo declines. </p><p>a small scowl forms on her face. “oh, okay.” she says, before leaving them alone, stalking off bother other mall goers with her obnoxiously heavy bag of skincare products.</p><p>“you okay there, jun?” he asks, checking up on junhui. </p><p>junhui gnaws in his bottom lip. “not gonna lie, i got scared there for a moment. i thought she was going to harass me or something. it’s been a really long while since i am able to roam freely in public without getting mobbed by crazy fans.” </p><p>wonwoo’s heart twists a little bit at junhui’s words. he quietly takes junhui’s hands and intertwines it with his to comfort him. he knows that junhui has the tendency to hide what he truly feels by putting up a cheerful front. </p><p>“i’m here.” he assures junhui. “you’re in good hands. i’ll try to protect you from your neurotic stalkers.” </p><p>“with those scrawny arms?” junhui playfully scoffs. “i doubt.” </p><p>“like yours is any better, macho man.” wonwoo retorts, poking  junhui on the side making the other boy jump and erupt in laughter. </p><p>“come on jun, let’s go there.” wonwoo says, dragging a reluctant junhui with him to the vintage bookshop that catches he frequents when he comes here. </p><p>junhui is growing a little more at ease right after wonwoo has coaxed him by casually pointing things here and there. he’s still acting a little cautious as they hopped from one shop to another, trailing close behind wonwoo like a small child. </p><p> </p><p>“hey, do you want to head to a cat café afterwards?” wonwoo wriggles his eyebrows suggestively at junhui who is stuffing his mouth full of spicy noodles. </p><p>junhui’s eyes visibly light up at the very mention of a cat café. one of the things he and wonwoo bonded over is their mutual love of feline creatures. back then, they would spend all the last bits of their free time and meager allowance just to cuddle cats for hours on end.</p><p>“i’d love to, wonwoo.” junhui replies, barely concealing the excitement in his tone. </p><p>“cool, there’s actually one in the area so we don’t have to travel far.” wonwoo winks at him, looking up from his phone as he scrolls through his phone to fish for the address. </p><p>the two of them finish up their lunch quickly and head to  pay for the bill although they had to fight over who gets the tab. </p><p>“c’mon jun, it’s my treat.” wonwoo argues shoving the wad of bills forward. </p><p>“no, keep it in your wallet.” junhui argues back, refusing the money. “you’re basically my tour guide this morning, consider this my token of appreciation.”</p><p>“token of appreciation? our friendship is not a business transaction, junhui” wonwoo snorts. he turns to the ahjumma manning the counter and hands the money to her with a sweet smile. “i’ll pay for it, ma’am.”</p><p>junhui swats wonwoo’s hands away and shoves his shiny black card to her instead, “please take my card instead, ma’am.” </p><p>the confused ahjumma grows exasperated at the duo’s endless banter so she slams her hand on the counter, making them both flinch.</p><p>“are you two paying or not?” she narrows her beady eyes at the two of them. “i’ve got no time for this! i have a business to run. we don’t accept cards here either. did you not read the sign?” she irritably taps the printed sign posted on the glass with her pointed fingers. </p><p>“we’re very sorry for the inconvenience, ma’am.” junhui apologizes for the two of them, withdrawing his card to let wonwoo hand over the bills again to the angry ahjumma. </p><p>she bids the two of them with a resentful goodbye after she rings up their bill. as soon as they step off the door, wonwoo and junhui collectively burst into a fit of laughter as the realization that they were both acting stupidly earlier. </p><p>“next time, let’s just split the bill.” wonwoo says. </p><p>“agreed.” junhui giggles. </p><p>the cat café they have been looking for is tucked behind a narrow alleyway at the end of the street. the quaint light-up name plate that hangs over head reads, <em> serendipity, a haven for cat and cat lovers alike </em>. </p><p>indeed, serendipity is a cat heaven because as soon as wonwoo and junhui step in the cafe’s doors, a grey calico cat paws on wonwoo’s feet, wanting to be held already. without any hesitation, wonwoo picks the cat up and nuzzles her close to his chest like a delicate baby. </p><p>“aww, she’s sweet.” jun coos as he feeds his index finger for the cat to lick. </p><p>the café is considerably larger from the one they used to frequent back when they were still struggling students. it looks small on the outside but the interior is quite spacious and cozy for both the cats and customers alike. there are also a handful of cats lounging around and about the café; some doing their own thing, some revelling in the gentle caresses of the customers. </p><p>“should i go and order for us now?” junhui asks. </p><p>“are you sure? we should split up the bill, though.” wonwoo looks at junhui unsure, but the other one simply waves him off. </p><p>“you can pay me back next time.” </p><p>wonwoo takes the cat with him and picks a spot next to the massive windows overlooking the street. he waits there until junhui comes back carrying a tray full of sweets and a bag of treats for the felines. </p><p>once junhui settles on the cushion opposite wonwoo, a tiny brown-furred kitten climbs in his lap and purrs. junhui cradles the kitten and runs his hands through its soft fur. </p><p>“so, what do you plan to do now that you’re back in seoul?” wonwoo casually initiates the conversation. </p><p>“well,” jun tilts his head to the side as he comes up with an answer. “i don’t know. i mean, it’s not like i don’t want to do anything but it’s the opposite actually. in the meantime, my agent has booked me a few go-sees to keep me occupied.” </p><p>“i thought you’re retiring from the industry?” wonwoo asks, scrunching his eyebrows in slight confusion. </p><p>“honestly, i still don’t know.” jun shrugs his shoulders. “i got burnt out in china so i guess, coming back here is another chance to reclaim myself. i might come back to it since it’s my passion but i just want to enjoy the things people my age normally would like the liberty of walking down the street without drawing attention, having a normal sleeping schedule, dating.” </p><p>“dating?” wonwoo gasps, cutting junhui off. “i don’t mean to be rude but junhui, you literally can have anyone at your disposal. don’t tell me you haven’t dated all this time.” </p><p>“i wish.” junhui snorts. “if you only knew how wicked the people in the industry are. you’re right, i can have anyone at my disposal but none of them fit the type i was looking for.” </p><p>wonwoo leans closer on the table, intrigued. “what do you mean? what type? i am so sorry for all these questions but you have to tell me everything.” </p><p>junhui laughs at wonwoo. the cat resting on his lap hops off and wanders around the café to bother the other customers. </p><p>“please promise me you won’t be weirded out by what i will say next.” junhui pleads, extending a pinky to wonwoo. </p><p>“of course, this is a judgment free zone.” wonwoo says, locking his pinky with junhui’s, excited to hear what his friend will tell him. </p><p>junhui exhales a deep breath. “you’re my ideal type. well, more like the wonwoo i knew in college.” </p><p>“oh.” wonwoo finds himself at a loss for words. he’s surprised by the bomb junhui dropped on him. he is junhui’s ideal type? he can’t seem to wrap his head around it. </p><p>“see, now you’re uncomfortable. how stupid of me; i shouldn’t have told you.” junhui buries his face in his hands, ashamed of his sudden confession.</p><p>“no, i mean it’s all in the past right, but i’m just surprised.” wonwoo says. “why me?” </p><p>“you are definitely one of the smartest people i know. not just book smart, but life smart. you have a kind and compassionate heart. you are strong-willed. what’s not to like about you, wonwoo?” </p><p>“i mean i’m just me.” wonwoo chuckles bitterly. </p><p>“hey, what’s with the self-deprecation?” junhui chides him. “i didn’t wax poetic about you for nothing! give yourself some credit. you’re still the amazing wonwoo i know.” </p><p>“well, if you put it that way.” wonwoo resigns, defeated by junhui’s persistence to prove him wrong. “i’m so sorry i didn’t know you felt that way about me.” </p><p>“it’s okay.” junhui smiles at him. “it’s all in the past now and i couldn’t have done anything either back then because you have mingyu, you know and you’re perfect for each other.” </p><p>junhui’s words leave a bitter taste in wonwoo’s mouth. </p><p>“you’re happy with him, right?” junhui asks. </p><p><em> no, i’m not. in fact i feel so miserable. i don’t even know myself anymore. my husband is a bastard who can’t keep a marriage intact </em>, wonwoo wants to say but instead, he settles on an empathetic nod before taking a generous bite of his chocolate cake. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>a loud bang and clatter of metal hitting the floor coming from the kitchen is the first thing that greets wonwoo home later that evening. </p><p>he walks into the kitchen to find mingyu on all fours, trying to clean up the mess he made with a wet rug in his hand. he must have been fixing himself dinner when the accident happened because a near-empty cauldron sits on the countertop sadly while the pristine white tiles are stained with red sauce. </p><p>“i can’t deal with this life anymore.” he hears mingyu complain, his voice more hoarse than usual as he exasperatedly wrings the rug onto a bin. </p><p>mingyu senses wonwoo’s presence so he looks up and shoots his husband a look before going back to scrub the floor more aggressively. wonwoo continues to stand there on the entryway, eyes still fixed on his husband because the latter looks physically miserable.</p><p>mingyu’s hair is dull and unkempt, standing in different directions. the bags under his eyes are even darker. he’s wearing a thick bathrobe and sweatpants, both feet socked. wonwoo could hear him sniffling frequently. </p><p>mingyu finishes up cleaning the floor in no time and catches wonwoo still staring at him. “if you want to scold me, go ahead. i’m not stopping you.” he says to wonwoo in a clipped tone. </p><p>always leave it to mingyu to ruin wonwoo’s mood. it’s the first time they talk in weeks and the first thing they do is argue over something stupid as spilled food. </p><p>“what?” wonwoo snaps at him. </p><p>“say it.” mingyu taunts him. “say that i’m good for nothing. say that all i ever do is fuck things up. isn’t it what you’re thinking right now?” </p><p>where is all of this coming from? </p><p>wonwoo sighs in disbelief. “what the fuck is wrong with you, mingyu? i was just literally standing here.” he begins to say as anger begins to flare in his chest. </p><p>mingyu remains quiet, probably realizing that he lashed out on wonwoo by mistake. instead of apologizing, he turns his back on wonwoo and angrily tosses the rug on the sink, each move seemingly more intense than the last. </p><p>“you know what, forget it.” wonwoo flails his arms in defeat. he’s too exhausted to deal with mingyu’s shit and the last thing he wants to happen is to have a full-blown fight when he’s maintained a positive mood throughout the day. </p><p>water continues to stream from the faucet in strong waves and mingyu is still ignoring him. </p><p>“there is no point in talking to you.” wonwoo mumbles angrily. “there is no point in hearing your side because it wouldn’t change anything.”</p><p>anger starts to fill wonwoo’s chest in a dangerously fast pace, starting to consume him like flames. any moment now something will have to give and before wonwoo knows it, he combusts. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>mingyu, what have you done? anyway, what do you think happens next? </p><p>comment down what you think (pls, i really love reading your thoughts about this bc it helps motivate me to do better &amp; maybe incorporate some of your ideas) and don't forget to leave kudos! thank you so much and have a great day. ✨</p><p>p.s. (03/22/21): what do you think of the revisions? i am really sorry for not updating any sooner. i promise i will be back again before you know it to finally post chapter 5. tysm and im so sorry 😭</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. five</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hello, back again soon as promised. also to my old readers, don't proceed to read this chap without seeing the changes on chap 4! tysm!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <span>wonwoo has spent the last two years holding his pain in, trying to channel the anger elsewhere. not wanting the hurt to consume him, he learns how to build steel walls around his heart--- numbing him entirely in the process. it has come to the point that whenever he looks at himself in the mirror, he doesn’t recognize himself anymore. it’s just the shell of the bright person that he was before and kim mingyu, the cause of all his pain will be the one to unravel him again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>coming home to mingyu acting like this, blaming wonwoo of his misfortune certainly hits a nerve. how dare mingyu complain to wonwoo of all things when he’s the one in the wrong in the first place? he’s the one who caused all of this pain, not wonwoo. he doesn’t get the right to complain about the situation when wonwoo is the one who carries the burden of sorrow of his mistake. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>not knowing what to do anymore, wonwoo finally combusts. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“out of all the mistakes i made in my life, living this life with you is the only one i regret, kim mingyu.” wonwoo delivers. words like a sharpened knife in his hand,  he makes an incision straight towards mingyu’s heart; clean, precise, damaging. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>mingyu’s expression morphs from shock, confusion, and at last, hurt. his naturally serene face becomes marred with the pain wonwoo’s words left. it sinks in with him that wonwoo just broke one of their sacred promises because once upon a time, wonwoo and mingyu made a pact. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>just a few days shy before they celebrate their first year as an official couple, they got into a nasty argument. looking at it now, wonwoo can’t recall what it was that they fought about. it’s probably something minor but at the time, it felt too important just to be swept under the rug. to cut the story short, wonwoo and mingyu did not get to celebrate their first anniversary as a couple. they spent the day actively avoiding each other, ignoring any opportunity to communicate until mingyu decided he can’t take it anymore. he showed up in front of wonwoo’s doorstep holding a bouquet of flowers and his heart on the other hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>of course, wonwoo was not a man who could be easily swayed by a short  apology and a bunch of flowers but he let mingyu in. so they talked about the fight, about missing each other, and not being able to celebrate their first year together. this made wonwoo think about the future and so he came up with a promise. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“we have to promise each other that no matter what happens, even if we come to hate the sight of each other we shall look back at our past without any regrets. the wholesome memory of meeting each other must remain intact because we were destined to meet for whatever reason it is.” wonwoo said to mingyu. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>mingyu cupped both sides of wonwoo’s face with his large hands and leaned his head closer so their gazes met. “how can i ever regret one of the most beautiful things to ever happen to me?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>upon hearing this, wonwoo’s heart soared to the skies. he let his lips meet with mingyu’s sweet-tasting ones, sealing their promise with a long kiss. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>who would’ve thought that a few years down the line, here they are in the threshold of their kitchen and their wasteland of a marriage, wonwoo would be the one to break the promise that he has made. </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“wonwoo.” mingyu calls out to him, no longer angry. “d-do you hate me that much now?” his voice cracks as he struggles to say the words out loud. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“no.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>wonwoo stares at mingyu. his heart is beating wildly in his chest. “in fact, i still love you despite everything you have done to me.” he confesses. “and i hate it. i hate the power you still have over me and i am afraid that if we continue like this, i might completely lose myself in the process that’s why i regret every single thing about you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>now that wonwoo has said his innermost thoughts out loud, he feels bare and vulnerable in front of mingyu. it feels like for one more time he’s given his husband a chance to tear him apart again. </span>
</p><p>“you know that i love you very much, right?” mingyu cries out, desperate for wonwoo to believe in him again. </p><p>
  <span>“you never did.” wonwoo retorts. “because if you love me, then, you would have never done what you did. if you love me, i would have been more than enough.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>mingyu sinks onto the floor, on both his knees as he latches onto wonwoo. “no, wonwoo, you mean the world to me. i know i can’t turn back time. i know that i can’t erase all the pain that my mistake has caused you but please---” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>wonwoo cuts him off, “mingyu, i’m so tired of everything.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“wonwoo, please.” mingyu pleads. “you can hurt me all you want. you can make my life hell for all i care. i could spend the rest of my life waiting for you to forgive me but you’re all that i have, wonwoo.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“i’m so sorry mingyu, but it’s much better if i set the both of us free.” wonwoo tells him. “we’ve suffered too much, didn’t we? i just want us to start anew.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“no, no, no.” mingyu shakes his head in disbelief. “i can’t lose you, wonwoo. i just can’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“you already lost me, mingyu.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“i’ve made up my mind.” wonwoo wipes away the tears that threaten to fall with his sleeves as he sucks in a sharp breath. “we should get a divorce and that is final.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“i’ll go seek legal counsel tomorrow.” wonwoo continues, droning on without any hint of remorse nor emotion. this is something he should have done for himself a long time ago instead of letting mingyu walk all over him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>mingyu doesn’t say anything, unable to offer wonwoo a plausible reply. the tension in the room becomes thick and palpable, weighing heavy on the two of them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“once we sign the papers, we should start making arrangements on splitting things and what to do with this house.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>wonwoo looks at mingyu’s direction, looking for some sort of reaction but his husband’s gaze is cast on the floor, unable to look at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“if you really love me, then this is the last thing you could do for me and afterwards, you’re a free man.” wonwoo says to him for the last time before turning on his heel to leave mingyu behind. </span>
</p><p>wonwoo heads up to his room, with his head pounding and heart heavy. he barely makes it past the door of his bedroom before his knees buckle in from all the emotions that overwhelm him. he sinks to the floor, as he goes on to cry his heart out. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>so, what do you think?</p><p>this chapter is comparatively shorter to the previous ones but it is important to give the plot a huge nudge. it's overdue for the drama to begin kicking in right? </p><p>i promise to be back soon with another update but in the mean time, please check out the new minwon fic i wrote: give me your loneliness (and i'll give you mine). that one is more lighthearted than this one but still angst.  it's on my profile and give it love too. </p><p>anyhooo, please don't forget to give this chap some love by leaving kudos &amp; comments. i'd love to hear from u! see u next time.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. six</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hi, i'm back with a new update soon like i promised. i hope you like this one. 🥺🥺</p><p>*update 03/29/21: tags update</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>wonwoo wakes up and his entire body feels like it’s been hit by a raging ten-wheeler truck. in between all the crying he did last night, he doesn’t even remember how he ended up in his own bed. his body must have given up from all the distress and exhaustion. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>even though both his legs feel like lead, he drags himself to the bathroom and he doesn’t flinch at the sight of himself that he sees in front of the mirror. he can barely lift his eyelids with how puffy and sore they are. his throat is raw and scratchy when he tries to swallow. he’s an absolute mess and this can’t do. he’s going to have to call in sick for work today. inasmuch as he hates not seeing his children, he’s clearly not in the state to deal with anything right now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“oh my, you do sound terrible, wonwoo.” nayeon, says to him over the phone, concerned. “i’ll inform the principal right away that you can’t come to school.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“that would be really nice, nayeon.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“don’t worry too much about the kids, wonwoo. worry about yourself. you’ve always been working so hard so now you should take good care of yourself. you can’t make your kids miss you too much!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“noted, miss im” wonwoo replies, making nayeon laugh on the other line. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“get well soon, wonwoo!” nayeon beams. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“thanks, ‘yeon.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“no problem!” nayeon says. the line crackles and wonwoo hears tiny voices fill the background. “oh, some of the children are here so i have to go, won. i’ll text you later.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“sure, nayeon.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“bye.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“bye!” </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>surprisingly, the house still looks the same when wonwoo makes his way downstairs after he’s decided that he’s tired of laying in bed all morning. after last night, wonwoo almost expects things to change--- in what way? he doesn’t know, but the feeling pooling in his gut is strong. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>mingyu’s car is out of the garage and so it seems, wonwoo has the house to himself all day long. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>the kitchen is still and quiet, remainders of last night’s events are gone. the stew pot sitting back again on the open shelf and the tiles are spotless white, like they should be. the memories of last night flood his head as he fills his mug with freshly-brewed coffee. he brings the mug to his lips and the taste is just as bitter as the truth. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>he doesn’t know what possesses him though, to walk into mingyu’s bedroom. well, this room also used to be his until he has decided that he cannot sleep in the same bed with the man who has cheated on him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>like the rest of the house, the bedroom still looks the same as the day he left it a couple of years ago, save for the new sheets, curtains, and a few of mingyu’s additional belongings. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>wonwoo walks around the room; scanning with his eyes, running his hands through each surface. his books are still on the nightstand, neatly arranged without any speck of dust. one half of the dresser is empty, the same way half of the closet is only filled with mingyu’s clothes. wonwoo notices that the bed only dips on the left, the side where mingyu usually sleeps and what seems to be one of wonwoo’s old sweaters on the right. everything in here seems to be waiting for something that will probably never happen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>wonwoo exits the room as he begins to feel suffocated, like there’s an elephant that has one foot on top of his chest. he doesn’t know what to make out of this. the image of mingyu sleeping on the massive bed at night, clutching wonwoo’s old sweater in his hand burns at the back of his eyelids, making his stomach churn. how could mingyu betray wonwoo so hard but at the same time show this much devotion to him? it confuses wonwoo to no end. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>the wedding portrait hung on the wall catches wonwoo’s eye again and the bright smiles painted on both their faces pierces straight through his heart. he walks over, takes the frame down and places it in the garage, covering it with a wide cloth. a memory like that no longer has a place in this house, wonwoo supposes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>the wall looks bare and dull without the picture on it but wonwoo thinks it's much better this way. this house, no matter how much stuff wonwoo and mingyu tried to fill it with in the past couple of years, still feels empty; like it has been stripped away of the most important furnishings. this house lacks love and affection. this house lacks the warmth of a family. this house isn’t what you would properly call a home. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>after all, it hasn’t been home for the past two years since the moment mingyu decided to ruin their marriage. this place is just reduced to another house with two people living in it. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>marriages aren’t meant to be perfect; no such thing like that exists. when you marry a person, you marry their entirety--- the good, the bad, their past, their future, and everything in between. you try to live in harmony and fix the strings when it goes out of tune. you march through the obstacles as a team and strengthen your bond along the way. marriage is not just about romantic love, it’s also the journey to discovering the different kinds of love you can offer whilst being together. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>if you ask wonwoo what his marriage with mingyu was like, he’d tell you one thing: their marriage was far from perfect. wonwoo and mingyu bickered and nagged each other far too often. wonwoo didn’t want to burden mingyu so much while mingyu often liked to act before he could fully comprehend the situation; but at least, they were secure and happy in each other’s company. to them having each other even though they would have nothing was all that matters. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>there was never an instance where mingyu made his husband question his love or fidelity to wonwoo, even before they were married. it was clear from the beginning that the two of them were a match made in heaven, what more could they possibly ask for? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>however, things weren’t always what they seemed from the surface. wonwoo would learn this in the most unforgiving manner as much as possible. his complacency would soon bite him when he was the most unsuspecting. </span>
</p><p><br/>
from the time they graduated university, mingyu had already been freelancing as a photographer. sometimes he’d take short-term contracts with event organizers or when times were tough, he’d be forced to get employed at part-time jobs just so he could get by. </p><p>
  <span>wonwoo never questioned mingyu’s decisions nor fought him on this because he fully understood that mingyu was a man of passion. mingyu would rather live a life ridden with multiple struggles if it meant doing the things that he loved over a stable life and a corporate job that would most likely suck the life out of him. so, wonwoo did the best that he could to support him because in simple words, mingyu’s happiness was also his happiness. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>it wasn’t until their third year of marriage that mingyu had gathered enough credit and portfolio. it was more than enough to secure him an entry-level position at the gallery he dreamt of working at after one of the directors noticed his freelance work from a magazine. </span>
</p><p>mingyu had been ecstatic with this huge milestone in his life and so was wonwoo. it filled his heart with pride to watch his husband thrive in his budding career. the whole thing felt like wonwoo and mingyu were growing separately as people, but together as a couple because they had each other to share these things with. </p><p>
  <span>in less than a year, mingyu quickly climbed the ranks. he went from being one of the gallery assistants to becoming one of the exhibit curators within a span of six months. this was a position that took others years to achieve but wonwoo never thought of it as anything else. he believed in mingyu’s abilities and he was confident that his husband deserved his position, given the caliber of his work. much to wonwoo’s great disappointment however, it turned out that mingyu was fucking his boss on the regular and he found out about it in the worst way possible. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>wonwoo left work early that day. the elementary school where he taught closed early because they had to fumigate one part of the building after more and more children started catching an illness caused by molds on the wall. left with nothing to do, wonwoo decided to pay his husband a surprise visit at work and even went out of his way to get mingyu the walnut cakes he loved so much. maybe afterwards, the two of them could end up going on a nice dinner date. after all, it had been a while since they had a moment to rekindle the romance. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>wonwoo wandered around the gallery first; inspecting the pieces from a distance, peering close to those who piqued his interest. he had to admit that he wasn’t an expert in art nor was he greatly invested in it; but being married to mingyu taught him a thing or two about interpreting pieces. there’s a particular painting that caught his sight, though.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>it was an image of a man and a woman, both stark naked. the woman has her whole back on display as she sat on the man’s lap, large hands splayed across her bare back. her face is hidden but his was visible, slightly obscured by her ink-black hair. he had a piercing gaze but at the same time it was soft and alluring. the slope of his nose was narrow and tall, leading to his slightly parted lips. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>the man in the painting entranced wonwoo so much because it resembled mingyu. that was how mingyu looked at him in their most unguarded moments and it struck wonwoo to the core. a shiver traveled down his spine. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“it’s beautiful, isn’t it? the chief director painted it.” a voice piped up from behind, pulling wonwoo from his thoughts. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>wonwoo turned around to find jungkook, mingyu’s colleage behind him. “oh, jungkook-ssi, hello. i’m sorry i didn’t see you back there. ” wonwoo greeted him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“it’s fine. here to visit the husband?” jungkook asked, eyes staring at the bags of food wonwoo carried with him. “mingyu’s such a lucky bastard.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>wonwoo just smiled at his comment. “do you know where he is now, by any chance?” he asked jungkook instead. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“he’s probably in his office right now. i can take you to him, if you like.” jungkook said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“thanks for the offer but it’s okay.” wonwoo declined jungkook politely. “i remember where his office is. i’ll be fine on my own.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“if you say so, wonwoo-ssi.” jungkook said. “i’ll be on my way. see you around!” <br/>
<br/>
</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>wonwoo made his journey to the back of the gallery where the offices were located alone. he clearly recalled that mingyu’s office was a small room on the left side at the end of the hall. as he sauntered on the corridors, there was a pull at the pit of the stomach all of a sudden. wonwoo shrugged it off, it was probably just the excitement to see mingyu. he’d walk into the office, mingyu would be pleased by his surprise but he didn’t know that his assumption was terribly, terribly wrong. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>the door to mingyu’s office was open, so wonwoo took this as an invitation to walk right in and the table would turn on him. wonwoo would be the one getting the surprise of his life. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>just like exactly in the painting, a woman was sat on top of mingyu, faced buried on the crook of his husband's neck. her dress was fully unzipped, displaying her smooth bareback. mingyu’s large hands were supporting her hips as they rocked. mingyu’s eyes were closed, mouth parted and panting in bliss. </span>
</p><p>“does this feel good baby?” wonwoo heard her say as mingyu let out breathy moans in reply. “i can be the only one who can make you feel this way, not even your husband.” her voice was sickeningly sweet, like the embodiment of deception that she was. </p><p>
  <span>wonwoo could not bring himself to move. he felt as if a bucket of ice was being poured over his head. here mingyu was, fucking the life out of another woman behind wonwoo’s back and the most twisted part is the fact that he had caught them right in the act. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“wonwoo?” mingyu gasped, aghast as he saw his husband stood frozen in the middle of the doorway. “fuck, chaerin get off.” he squirmed in his seat as he struggled to shove the woman off him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“what the hell?” she complained to him as she clutched on to her dress to barely cover her naked body. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>wonwoo recognized her. son chaerin, the chief director, mingyu’s boss. indeed, she exuded this sultriness to her that would surely lure men in even though she was already in her 40s, but he did not expect mingyu, out of all people, to take her bait. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>she knew wonwoo was there but instead of showing remorse, she shot wonwoo a wicked smirk as she slowly zipped her dress back up and fixed her appearance. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“you were amazing today, darling.” she said to mingyu as she caressed his face with her burgundy claws, making the younger flinch by the touch. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“i can’t thank you enough for letting me have a taste of your husband.” she turned to wonwoo with a mocking smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>wonwoo did not give her the satisfaction of lashing out but he was clenching his fists hard. he followed her with a deadly glare as she strut past him with her head held high-- the audacity of this woman. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>once she was out the door, wonwoo walked over to the other side of the room where mingyu was, delivering a hard slap right across his face. mingyu staggered backwards, clutching the side of his face as it throbbed in pain. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“how long has this been going on?” wonwoo asked mingyu, his voice low and filled with anger. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“wonwoo, i--- please, hear me out.” mingyu pleaded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“how long?!” wonwoo raised his voice as his patience with mingyu wore out. he has no time for dilly dallying, he just wanted straight answers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>voice quivering, mingyu confessed. “three months.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>another slap, the sound rang throughout the room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“three fucking months.” wonwoo seethed. “three fucking months behind my back. you played me for a fool for three whole months.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“won, it’s not what it looks like.” mingyu began to sob but to wonwoo, it sounded like crocodile tears. “wonwoo, please let me explain. it’s not what it looks like. i had no choice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“no choice?” wonwoo laughed dryly. “you had one choice and that is to stay faithful to our marriage, to me. mingyu, you could have told me you don’t love me anymore and i would have willingly let you go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“i don’t want anyone else, wonwoo.” mingyu cried out. he looked pathetic standing there asking wonwoo to hear him out. “please believe me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“how do you expect me to believe you?” wonwoo looked at him in disbelief. “i know what i saw and that was more than enough explanation for me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>mingyu was about to say something but he was at a loss for words. no matter how hard he tried, he knew that he messed up big time and he couldn’t simply erase that. </span>
</p><p>“coming here was a huge waste of my time.” wonwoo muttered, shoving the bags of food to mingyu’s face before turning on his heel to walk away. </p><p>
  <span>“wonwoo!” mingyu ran after him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>wonwoo purposefully ignored his calls, taking in longer strides to get as much distance between him and mingyu but his husband was quick. mingyu grabbed his wrists in hopes of stopping him but out of reflex, wonwoo slapped him cold again for the third time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“get your hands off.” wonwoo hissed at mingyu. “you disgust me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>saying those things out loud wrenched wonwoo’s heart but the anger he felt was consuming him. people were already gawking at them, intrigued by the scene they caused. left with no choice, mingyu loosened his grip on wonwoo and reluctantly let wonwoo go. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>with shaky fingers, wonwoo reaches for the envelope sitting on top of his desk and rips it open. this is it, he tells himself. this is the last piece he needs before he can fully embark on the journey towards reclaiming his self. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>bitter memories resurface as he goes over the contents of the document. mingyu’s infidelity is an old wound that will never completely heal but at least, wonwoo desires to be at a point where it doesn’t hurt as much anymore and he could never move forward if he doesn’t detach himself from mingyu completely. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>he needs to do this for himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>finally, wonwoo affixes his signature on the document and it feels like a huge weight has been lifted off his shoulders. after all, he has suffered long enough. it is high time to put an end to it. </span>
</p><p>he returns the document into the envelope carefully and keeps it safe in his drawer before climbing on his bed. for the first time in two years, wonwoo gets a peaceful slumber. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>wow, there was a lot to unpack there. now we finally got to the root of everything, what do you think? what do you feel? are you still okay? please let me know, hehe. </p><p>on another note, i finally have figured out where all of this is going and yes, i made sure to write it on my notes (yay, achievement) and i will focus here before updating my other fics (please check em out too!). hopefully things will be smooth-sailing for the entire writing process. can't promise that for minwon tho! </p><p>please don't forget to give some love by leaving kudos and comments down below (these things are basically my lifeline, hoho). see you next update!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. seven</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>changwon is home to wonwoo’s many firsts. after all, he was born and raised there. when he thinks of changwon, he thinks of his mother’s warm embrace, his father’s wise words, and his sister’s bright laughter. he strongly associates changwon with the words comfort and home.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>if changwon is comfort and home, then seoul is an adventure. the fast-paced life in seoul is closely linked with wonwoo’s personal growth and self-discovery. seoul has given wonwoo a multitude of experiences, each of varying degrees. the city is not privy to the concept of peace and quiet but despite the conundrum, wonwoo feels lonely here sometimes. even in the vast sea of people, there is an inexplicable hollowness carved in him. maybe that’s just seoul, loud but forlorn.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>then there is daegu.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>a place is attached with memories, whether it’s personal or collective. that’s why landmarks are built and shrines are erected to commemorate them. for wonwoo, daegu might not be his home, but it could just as well be considering the amount of pleasant memories he has with this place. he thinks of daegu as his querencia, the quaint little house tucked in the outskirts of the town center. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>he thinks of the scent of pine and flowers drifting from the nearby field. the sharp taste of his mother-in-law's hot stew filling his mouth. the flamingo sunset viewed from the hill. the stolen kisses underneath the shade of the oak tree in the backyard. the lingering touches beneath the covers in the cold of the night. of mingyu dropping down on one knee as he asks wonwoo to marry him. the ringing of bells and jovial chatter as they seal their vows on their wedding day.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>wonwoo wants to keep his memories of daegu this way; perfect and untainted by the bitterness of his present. but we do not have the hand to choose how or where we make memories happen, don't we? wonwoo supposes that's one of the frailties of human life.</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>for the next three-and-a-half hours, wonwoo endures the fact that he’s alone in a car with none other than his future ex-husband. mingyu takes on the responsibility of driving all the way from seoul to daegu while wonwoo sits beside him. none of them speak a word to each other, the static of the radio filling in the massive gap in between the two of them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>it might have been easier if wonwoo came here alone or mingyu did. it might have been better if they took the train, picked the seats to decide how far they want to be from each other as much as possible. but at the end of the day, they’re not here for themselves. they’re here for something that’s deeply valuable to their marriage. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>the car pulls up in front of the familiar iron gate, gravel crunching loudly underneath the tires. wonwoo steps out of the car, inhaling the crisp daegu air while mingyu unloads their bags from the back. he waits for mingyu to reach the latch from the inside out so they could come in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>the small brick-laden house still looks the same as the first time wonwoo has been here and that was almost a decade ago. sure, some of the paint has chipped away and the cracks on the wall have multiplied but it does not depreciate its beauty. in his eyes, nothing has really changed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>wonwoo flinches in surprise when mingyu staggers back, almost bumping into him. a small ball of white fur has barreled straight towards mingyu, jumping up and down in excitement. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“bobpul, my baby girl!” mingyu drops the bags on the ground as he crouches down to pet her properly. “did you miss me that much, huh? you did? i missed you too, bobpul.” the dog preens under mingyu’s touch as she yips and wags her tail animatedly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>bobpul must have sensed wonwoo’s presence though, because she pulls away from mingyu and totters towards him. she barks and paws at wonwoo’s feet, asking him to touch her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“bobpul-ah!” a voice yells from inside the house. “why are you barking so much? is someone at the gate? if it’s taeho again--- oh.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“eomma.” mingyu calls out. </span>
</p><p>mingyu’s mother emerges from the screen door with a shell-shocked look on her face. “mingyu! wonwoo! my sons!” she exclaims as she rushes towards them. she hugs mingyu first, then wonwoo. </p><p>wonwoo has to bite back the tears as he allows himself to be enveloped by her warm embrace. “it’s nice seeing you again, eomma.” he tells her as he rests his chin on her shoulder. </p><p>
  <span>“oh, wonwoo.” she gushes at him as she pulls away from the hug. she gently squeezes wonwoo's shoulders as she beams at him, the edge of her eyes crinkling. “i missed the both of you so much. i’m so glad that you came to see me again.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>the three of them head inside the house without much fuss, wonwoo and mingyu carry their own respective bags. on the other hand, mingyu’s mother asks away with a barrage of questions and comments as the two men settle in. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“how is seoul?” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“mingyu how’s work? i’m still a little upset you forgot to call me last week.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“your hair is reaching your neck. you should get it cut, my son.”  </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“wonwoo-yah, you look thinner now than when i saw you last year; do you like neglecting your meals that much?” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“when you go back to seoul, i’ll send you food that’ll last you for a year.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“sheesh, you’re both almost thirty but you still need to be looked after like you’re two little boys.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“eomma, sto-op!” mingyu whines as he wraps his arms around his mother from behind in an attempt to cease her from nagging. “you worry too much. we are doing fine. right, wonwoo?” he looks at wonwoo, silently pleading for him to play along. </span>
</p><p>wonwoo just nods his head in agreement, not really knowing what to say. he knows that his mother-in-law is genuinely ecstatic that he and mingyu came over today but it also makes his heart twinge in sadness. </p><p>
  <span>mingyu’s mother sighs in defeat. “i think it’s best if i’ll leave you two lovebirds alone to do whatever you want. if you need anything, i’ll be in the kitchen!” she says with a glint of cheekiness, patting them both on their shoulders as she leaves. </span>
</p><p>wonwoo locks his eyes with mingyu for a moment, before turning their gaze away. even without saying a single word, they both know they’re guilty. it is not in their intentions to keep her in the dark about what’s truly going on between them; not when she’s the sole reason that they managed to be together this long. </p><p>
  <span>a couple of weeks after wonwoo discovered mingyu’s illicit affair with his boss, the tension in their home ran high. wonwoo and mingyu spent every breathing second in each other’s company in sheer hostility. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>for days on end, it was always like this: wonwoo would find something minor about mingyu that would tick him off; like the unwashed plates on the sink or the music turned way up high for his liking. it would always circle back to wonwoo voicing out his grave distrust towards mingyu and the latter insisting some sort of apology that wonwoo refused to hear. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>wonwoo brought up the idea of a divorce one evening, whilst he and mingyu were eating dinner in volatile silence. as expected, mingyu reacted poorly to his proposition. he did not want to go through with it. he strongly believed they still stood a chance but wonwoo knew better. their marriage was at the point of no return. damaged. irreparable. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>what was the point of fighting for it? </span>
</p><p><span>the night ended up with a screaming match between the two. each word that came out of their mouths was sharp and cutting; inflicting more wounds as they competed on who could hurt the other better. of course, wonwoo would win. he wasn’t the one who cheated anyway, but it still hurt him to know that as the days progressed, the love ran out and hatred began to run deep. </span>they were no longer wonwoo and mingyu, the happily married couple everyone adored. with each second that passed, the anger that they possessed turned them into monsters.</p><p>
  <span>a few hours passed, wonwoo was getting ready for bed when mingyu was at his door with a frantic look on his face. mingyu had received a phone call from his neighbor in daegu. mingyu’s mother was rushed to the hospital and she seemed to be in critical condition. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>wonwoo hurriedly grabbed their bags to pack what he could while mingyu rushed down to start the car. in no time, they were out the door and drove straight to daegu in the middle of the night. </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“are you kim minyoung’s family?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>with the mention of his mother’s name, mingyu stood up from the creaking metal bench and approached the nurse who appeared on the doorway. besides, he and wonwoo were the only ones in the waiting area. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“yes. i am her son.” mingyu said, voice ridden with worry. “how is she?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“she’s resting in her room now.” the nurse replied, offering a small comforting smile. “come follow me so you could see her.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>the nurse led the way with mingyu walking close, a little impatient to see his mother soon. on the other hand, wonwoo followed close behind taking it upon himself to carry their coats and mingyu’s phone with him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“i’m so sorry but i have to inform you that only family members will be allowed to see the patient at this time, mr. kim.” the nurse said once they were outside the room where minyoung was confined, shooting a look towards wonwoo. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>wonwoo was about to say that it was alright and he would stay here to wait but mingyu beat him to it. “oh, uh… he’s definitely family. he’s my husband.” he explained. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>the nurse just nodded her head wordlessly, turning the doorknob open so they could come in. “dr. hong should make his rounds anytime soon. he will be the one to explain everything about the patient’s condition to you.” she said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“thank you very much.” mingyu muttered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“in case the patient needs anything, just ring us with the buzzer next to the patient’s bed. the nurse’s station will be notified right away.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>the nurse closed the door with a gentle click, leaving them alone to their devices. mingyu rushed over to his mother’s side, pulling a chair and sat down next to her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>on the other hand, wonwoo hovered at the edge of the bed. he couldn’t believe that it was his mother-in-law that was lying on the bed, hooked up to a respirator and a handful of other medical machines that were doing their job in keeping her alive. it felt like he was looking at a stranger; a stranger that resembled his mother-in-law so much. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>not long after, the physician came by to do his rounds with the same nurse who ushered them. he was young, probably around their age; if not, just a tad bit older. he was wearing scrubs underneath his white coat and he clutched a metal clipboard in his hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“nice to meet you. i am hong jisoo, your mother’s attending physician.” he introduced himself in a calm fashion, politely extending his palm towards mingyu. </span>
</p><p>mingyu returned the gesture and shook the physician’s hand courteously. doctor hong did not waste any time and went straight ahead to explain minyoung’s condition to mingyu. wonwoo took this as his cue to leave and quietly slipped out of the room.</p><p>
  <span>it was almost four in the morning and the hospital was quiet, save for the medical staff shuffling in and out of the patient rooms. wandering aimlessly around the deserted lobby gave wonwoo the space to think. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>mostly, wonwoo thought about mingyu. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>wonwoo knew that kim mingyu only ever really loved two people in his life besides his passion, that was his mother and his husband. mingyu was barely holding on to a thin rope now that his marriage with wonwoo was on the rocks. and tonight, he almost lost his mother to the hands of death. what would become of him if he ended up losing both? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>wonwoo wanted to laugh at himself. why bother? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>mingyu was the one who dug his own grave. wonwoo wanted to think that mingyu brought all of this to himself. he deserved all this pain but at the same time, wonwoo felt like he didn’t. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>he thought of mingyu’s fear-stricken face earlier when he stood outside wonwoo’s bedroom door. he thought of mingyu recklessly speeding through the highway just to make it in time to see his mother. he thought of mingyu’s vacant expression when they sat in the waiting area, anticipating in anxiety as they were still uncertain of what was to come. </span>
</p><p>wonwoo was afraid of the person mingyu would become when he was dealt with such massive loss. no one could ever withstand the pain of losing people who were dearly important to you. suddenly, the idea of a divorce did not sound like a smart decision to wonwoo anymore. whatever, he had already made up his mind anyway. </p><p>wonwoo made his way again to minyoung’s room, stopping by a vending machine to grab two cups of instant coffee. when he got back, the sun was beginning to rise and the light filtered through the blinds. from where he stood, wonwoo could clearly examine his mother-in-law’s state. minyoung’s youthful, vibrant demeanor was replaced by her ashen pallor. it wrenched his heart to see her like that. </p><p>
  <span>mingyu was asleep in a chair pulled next to the bed. his neck was bent at an unnatural angle that would surely hurt when he woke up but his hand was resting on top of his mother’s, as if he was afraid she would slip away if he did not hold her.</span>
</p><p>wonwoo gently jostled him awake as he tapped mingyu’s shoulder. “mingyu.” he said, thrusting the styro cup to his husband. “here, have some coffee.”</p><p>
  <span>“thanks.” mingyu mumbled blearily. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“what did the doctor have to say?” wonwoo asked as he settled on the bench pushed against the wall. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“she had a heart attack which could have been fatal if she did not get medical help any sooner. thankfully, her blood supply was not cut-off from the brain but the kidneys instead. the downside is, she has to receive dialysis from now on.” mingyu explained. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>wonwoo let out a breath of relief. “thank goodness.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>the room fell into silence again, only the machines whirring in the background. wonwoo gingerly sipped on his coffee as he glanced at minyoung’s pitiful state. minyoung had been nothing but kind; considered him as her own son too. one favor shouldn’t hurt, right? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>wonwoo inhaled sharply. “mingyu.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“yeah?” mingyu glanced up at him, anticipating what wonwoo was about to say next. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“i have decided not to push through with the divorce.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>wonwoo does not miss the way mingyu’s eyes lit up with what he said. “thank you, wonwoo. i promi---” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“don’t thank me.” wonwoo cut him off. “this is only until we make sure eomma’s health is stable. we are in no place to afford a divorce. i am just being practical.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“oh, i understand.” mingyu said monotonously. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>it was an utter lie. wonwoo wasn’t being practical. it was a bargain for minyoung’s sake---- for her kindness's sake. it was also because deep down, he was a martyr. there was nothing in this world that wonwoo wouldn’t do for mingyu’s sake. </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>back to the present, wonwoo is ridden with guilt as he stares at the feast minyoung has prepared for him and mingyu all laid out on the dining table. </span>
</p><p>it still surprises wonwoo how minyoung has retained her vigor and youthfulness in spite of what she has experienced. from what wonwoo knows, she still has to go to the hospital for dialysis once a week but there isn’t an ounce of weakness evident in her. minyoung is happy, healthy, and glowing. </p><p>
  <span>“come on and sit.” she beckons to the both of them. the edges of her eyes crinkle upward and her smile reveals perfect rows of teeth that mingyu both seem to have inherited. </span>
</p><p>wonwoo obliges, sitting right across her while mingyu follows suit by occupying the spot next to him instead of his mother’s. their shoulders brush given the tight space but wonwoo is too anxious to dwell on it. </p><p>
  <span>minyoung insists on serving the two of them as she takes charge of putting soup on their bowls and placing slices of meat on top of their rice even though she knows they’re perfectly capable of getting their own. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“eat up, wonwoo-yah.” she tells him fondly as she scoops more stew for him. “i know you love doenjang jjigae, that's why i specially made it today.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>wonwoo has to stop himself from tearing up each time he lifts the spoon to his lips, the rich taste of the stew filling his mouth. minyoung has been nothing but kind to wonwoo and it’s just sad to think that even this, he has to let go. there is no reason for him to keep in touch with her once the divorce is finalized. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“you two have been awfully quiet today.” minyoung comments, sensing the awkward air between them. “don’t you like what i made?” she asks earnestly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“no, eomma. your cooking is amazing as always.” mingyu answers with a forced smile before turning back to toy with his food. wonwoo just notices that his husband has barely touched his bowl. he must have been nervous as well. </span>
</p><p>“then, what is wrong?” minyoung frowns. </p><p>
  <span>wonwoo and mingyu briefly share a knowing look, like a signal that this is now their cue to tell her the truth. the tension rises in the room, thick enough that a knife could slice through it. minyoung flits her eyes back and forth to them, confused and expectant. </span>
</p><p>wonwoo sets down his chopsticks and wipes the edges of his mouth with a wet napkin before clearing his throat to speak. “eomma,” pauses to breathe. “mingyu and i have decided to get divorced.” </p><p>wonwoo expects minyoung to react rather harshly, to raise her voice and scold them for messing up but it does not come. after all, minyoung has always been a level-headed woman but he doesn’t miss the way her shoulders sag and eyes cloud with tears. </p><p>“why?” she asks in a disappointed tone. </p><p>
  <span>she listens in silence with her head hung low as wonwoo tries his best to explain the situation with her. mingyu mirrors her actions beside him, gnawing on his bottom lip with a vacant expression. once wonwoo is done talking, minyoung does not say a single word. instead, she quietly gets up from the table and leaves. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>without realizing it, wonwoo breaks down into tears. he cannot describe what he’s feeling, it’s a mix of relief and guilt. minyoung’s devastated face sends a twist of pain in his chest making him sob harder. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>mingyu sidles closer to him, pulling wonwoo closer so that the latter could pillow his head on mingyu’s chest as he cries, rubbing soothing circles on his back. wonwoo notices but he doesn’t budge or push mingyu away. rather, he lets mingyu hold him just like that for a really long time. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>now you know why wonwoo chose to stay with mingyu and not end the marriage early on. 😏 </p><p>anyway, this is just a filler chapter and spoiler alert! we will get mingyu's pov next. which is a little overdue but yes, we finally get to see his side. hopefully that turns out well. </p><p>also, it's mingyu's birthday this week! i really miss him but it's okay if he chooses to spend it in private after everything he's been through, it's best if we respect the space he needs in order for him to heal. we can all patiently wait for him, right? </p><p>that's all! see you next update. please don't forget to leave kudos and let me know your thoughts abt this chapter by commenting down below. i really enjoy reading your insights. you can also reach me through my twt @9yu_mink. 😉😉😉</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. eight</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>here is the long awaited mingyu pov. </p>
<p>*warning: manipulative behavior is heavily described in this chapter. it might be triggering for some of you so please proceed at your own risk.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>fun fact: this is the longest chapter i have written amounting to 5.1k words (the usual is around 2-3k for this fic) and also i listened to day6's "you make me" on loop for this chapter. i really think the song is fitting for mingyu. aaaand, please read the end chapter notes because i have something important there.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>love. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>mingyu knows what it is. he knows it’s unconditional love his mother has for him because he has witnessed her endure a lot of things for his sake. the dirty looks from people when they judge her for having a son out of wedlock. the refusal to let go of a job that did not only exhaust her but hurt her ego as well. she kept it because she had a child to raise and it hurt her more if she couldn’t provide the best for him. the tired but content smile on her face when she comes home to the sight of little mingyu waiting for her on the doorstep. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>it is love. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>mingyu knows it is also another form of love he has found the moment his older cousin joshua, from the states, has given him an old camera when he was twelve. he tried it out for the first time, taking pictures of his surroundings in daegu and when he came home to show his mother and his aunt, they praised him saying he had an eye for photography. from that day onwards, mingyu has vowed to himself that he shall make it a point to capture the beauty of the world through the camera lens. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>it is passion. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>mingyu thinks he knows love but he doesn’t think he quite understands it. he knows infatuation and lust. there are certain people who have caught his eye; some lucky to have him for a night. all fleeting, never permanent. a spark that subsides instantaneously. mingyu is quite sure that he has never felt anything for anyone strongly. the kind of attachment that starts out as a small seed, then sprouts into a garden that blooms painfully into your chest. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>that is, until jeon wonwoo. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>mingyu has been married to wonwoo for six years; the last two spent in estrangement, but he has been in love with wonwoo for more than ten. he might forget a lot of details about their relationship but the memory of the time mingyu realized he was irrevocably in love with wonwoo is still vivid in his mind. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>it had been mingyu’s second year in his university, wonwoo on his third. somehow, they have formed an unlikely friendship that stemmed into them becoming a permanent fixture in each other’s lives. wherever wonwoo went, mingyu followed him like a lovesick puppy. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>mingyu paid no mind when friends tried to point out that he and wonwoo were not just friends, but had long dipped their toes into something more. it is what it is. he was happy to be in wonwoo’s company and the older one seemed to enjoy his too. they have shared a lot of intimate things with each other and not once did mingyu openly question what they meant to each other. it was better that way, he supposed. </span>
</p>
<p>until one evening, mingyu was walking back to his dorm after his classes were extended for another hour when thunder rolled and heavy rain poured all of a sudden. his initial thought was not to shelter himself from the downpour but to find wonwoo. without much thought, mingyu made a beeline straight to the in-campus convenience store and bought the largest umbrella he could find. </p>
<p>
  <span>mingyu sprinted halfway across the campus and by the time he reached the education department, he realized he had been late. wonwoo was already stepping out of the building, sharing the same large umbrella with his friend, hansol. the sight left a bitter taste in mingyu’s tongue. he lowered the umbrella he was holding and looked at it with disdain. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“mingyu-yah, what are you doing here?” wonwoo had approached him, hansol in tow. his eyes scanned mingyu from head to toe, brows furrowing in concern. wonwoo left his spot under the umbrella and stepped closer to mingyu. “aigoo, you’re soaked.” he clicked his tongue as he fussed over mingyu. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>mingyu knew he looked pathetic standing there, hair and clothes all drenched with rainwater. he was holding an umbrella that never served its purpose anyway. it didn’t matter to him if he was wet if it meant wonwoo would be sheltered from the rain. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>mingyu swallowed down his frustration and forced a bitter smile. “oh, i was just passing by.” he tried to be as casual about it as much as possible, but it was just a  terrible excuse. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>wonwoo seemed like he wanted to say something but in the end, ultimately decided against it. instead, he took mingyu by surprise when he took the umbrella from the younger’s grasp. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“han, i’m really sorry but i forgot mingyu and i made plans tonight.” wonwoo turned to his friend as he raised the umbrella over his and mingyu’s heads. “we could work on the assignment this saturday if it works for you.” he added, throwing in an apologetic smile. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>hansol seemed to have understood wonwoo and made no qualms about the sudden change of plans. “no biggie, saturday sounds like a much better idea.” he said. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“did you just lie to him?” mingyu asked wonwoo once the hansol guy was out of earshot. the rain started to simmer down into a slight drizzle. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“so what if i did?” wonwoo shrugged. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“wonwoo.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>to shush mingyu up, wonwoo coaxed mingyu’s hands and intertwined them with his. “let’s just go.” he said, tugging mingyu along. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>the frustration mingyu felt earlier seeped away as he felt butterflies swarm at the bottom of his stomach. he was shivering from the cold but holding wonwoo’s hand kindled warmth on the inside, spreading from his chest all throughout the rest of his body. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>wonwoo had once again watered the garden he has planted in mingyu’s heart and every moment with him was spent in bliss. this was the reason why mingyu was always so drawn to his company. being with him gave mingyu a sense of wholeness and calm but at the same time it was a sense of thrill that never ran dry. he was more than willing to go through hell and back just for wonwoo’s sake. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>mingyu did not know what it was but somehow, it was almost like love. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>l - o - v - e</span>
</p>
<p>love, the four-letter word that mingyu had struggled to understand. in the dead of the night, walking beside wonwoo, things started to gain clarity to him. it was heavy realization that dawned upon mingyu like a raging ten-wheeler truck but at the same time a sense of calmness upon knowing the answer of what was already there.</p>
<p>
  <span>mingyu was in love with wonwoo. </span>
</p>
<p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>mingyu is still in love with wonwoo. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>he loves him more than he did ten years ago. he still loves him even if more often than not, they could no longer tolerate being in each other’s presence. he still loves him even if their days as a married couple are now counted. he still loves him even though his words often cut him like a newly sharpened knife. he loves him even more because he did the most difficult thing of telling the truth of their situation to mingyu’s mother even though he is not in anyway obliged to do so.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>mingyu’s love for wonwoo increases with each day that passes even if he knows he cannot any longer. not when all he’s given wonwoo is pain; but one thing is for sure, mingyu’s heart only ever belonged to him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>truth be told, wonwoo has never left his thoughts. how could he, when everything strongly reminds mingyu of him? it could be out of guilt or anything else but he is a fundamental part of mingyu’s being. mingyu is reminded of him again as he picks up the last box of choco pies that wonwoo loves so much, standing on the rack of the corner store. he pays for it altogether with the bottles of soju and beer. after today’s events and the distraught look on his mother’s face, mingyu could use a little something to put his mind at ease.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>mingyu walks back to his childhood home, braving the cold air that nipped his nose. it isn’t supposed to be this cold in daegu around this time of the year, but he recalls the weather station forecasting a storm to make a landfall tomorrow morning. it probably isn’t a genius idea either to leave the house in sweatpants and a thin short-sleeved shirt but as they say, regret always conveniently comes in late. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>the iron gate makes a familiar grating sound as he pushes it forward to let himself in and his heart almost stopped beating when he saw a figure sitting on the porch. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“holy shit.” mingyu curses as he clutches his chest in surprise. he then lets out a sigh of relief when he realizes who it is. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>it’s just wonwoo on the old rocking chair, positioned to get a perfect view not only of the front yard, but of the clear night sky as well. seoul’s skyline is too polluted to even get a faint outline of the moon nowadays, so mingyu understands that watching balls of gas twinkle instead of airplane signals is a rare treat. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>mingyu debates on whether he should just head in or drop a casual hello before leaving wonwoo alone. he is aware that even though his husband allowed him to hold him again earlier, asking wonwoo to let mingyu accompany him might be pushing it too far. but before he can fully decide, his heart is already tugging his feet along to where wonwoo is seated. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“uh, would you mind if i joined you?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>wonwoo looks up at him with an unreadable look that causes him to ramble on in order to save face. “well, only if you’re comfortable. i mean, i don’t want to impose but you know, it’s sort of a nice night and i have beer so---” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“i don’t mind, mingyu.” wonwoo cuts him off. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>mingyu’s mouth gapes open in surprise. wonwoo did not turn him down. oftentimes in the past, whenever he tries to approach his husband, he is often met by a scowl or a cold stare. wonwoo has been so keen on reminding mingyu that he hates him so much that for him to indulge mingyu something like this is more than enough to make his heart soar. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>mingyu tries his best to hide his happiness as he pulls a wicker chair and places it next to wonwoo with a respectable distance. he fishes for a can of beer but decides against it when he sees the box of choco pie. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“i, uh, do you want some?” mingyu offers the box to wonwoo with a shy, tentative smile. “i have some beer here too, if you like.” he adds. </span>
</p>
<p>wonwoo’s face visibly lights up once the box of pies are in his hands. he wastes no time in ripping a packet open and digs his mouth into the dessert, moaning in delight from the sweet taste. mingyu just watches him fondly as he settles into his seat, opening a can of beer of his own. </p>
<p>
  <span>“oh, i forgot to say thank you.” wonwoo says, cheeks still stuffed with pie. “choco pie is totally my favorite and it’s been a while since i had one.” he gushes as he takes another bite. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“anything for you, love.” the words fall out of his lips like a force of habit. wonwoo gapes at him with wide eyes, a second or two before mingyu realizes what he just said. man, he wants nothing more but to bash his head on the nearest surface. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>mingyu sighs to himself as he takes one large swig of beer, letting the bitterness wash out his mouth like soap. the conversation hasn’t even begun and he has managed to derail the entire thing. maybe he should have just went straight in to save himself from making a fool out of himself in front of wonwoo. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“your thoughts are really loud, i can hear you thinking from here.” wonwoo says, swiping the can of beer in mingyu’s hands; catching the other one off-guard. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“it’s nothing.” mingyu mumbles. he opens another can of beer after wonwoo is now drinking the one that he stole from mingyu. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“if you say so.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>they fall again in silence, occasionally sipping on beer as they listen to the cicadas chatter in the background. mingyu finds it comfortable though, quite different from the ones they shared in the past couple of years-- tense, suffocating, and at times, hostile. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>mingyu appreciates it, the easy atmosphere. somehow, sitting here feels too good to be true. wonwoo isn’t actively avoiding him. he’s not repulsed to be in one vicinity with mingyu when weeks ago, he can’t bear to breathe the same air as him. a flicker of hope fills his chest but it doesn’t last too long. the divorce is on the horizon with things pushing through in court. any day now, everything is over even if it’s against his will. so much for wishful thinking. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“i’ve been thinking,” wonwoo shatters the silence. he speaks in a low and steady tone as he looks at mingyu with a straight expression. “whether it was wise to tell eomma of our decision to separate or not considering her reaction. she didn’t take it well, mingyu.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“we cannot hide it from her, either.” mingyu supplies. “at some point, she will know and she will resent us even more if we chose to keep her in the dark.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“i suppose you are right.” wonwoo agrees, drawing a long sigh as he sips on his drink. “it all boils down to what has become of the two of us.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>mingyu knows that the last part isn’t meant to be a jab but the pang of guilt that seizes him weighs heavy on his chest. “i am really sorry.” he blurts out even if it is no use. </span>
</p>
<p>“i honestly thought you were the one, mingyu. i really did. it just sort of made sense, like the providence of the universe thing, you know? us two. i don’t think i am ever capable of loving someone as much as i did with you but ironically, look at us now. wretched and hurting.” wonwoo confesses, a little loose-lipped from the alcohol. </p>
<p>
  <span>mingyu cannot bring himself to meet wonwoo’s gaze. it doesn’t hurt as much as the hurtful things wonwoo has said to him in the past. it’s the regret that eats him on the inside. he didn’t see it coming too, for things to turn out as badly as this. he never thought of a future without wonwoo but with the way things are going, it is certainly a tragic downfall. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>mingyu sucks in a sharp breath as he capitalizes on the opportunity to ask wonwoo the answer he isn’t sure if he wants to hear again. might as well rip the bandaid off in one go. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“did you really mean it when you said you regret us?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“i hope i did.” wonwoo chuckles dryly. </span>
</p>
<p>a moment of silence, tension hanging heavy in the air as mingyu anticipates for the next. </p>
<p>
  <span>“it would have been easier for me to resent you but i cannot find it in me.  that’s why i am so angry. it’s so unfair. you’re so unfair. and to this day, i still don’t get how you could have cheated on me. was it something i did? did you feel like i did not love you enough?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“if i let you tell me the reason why, would i even want to know or would it be something i would regret even asking in the first place?” wonwoo’s voice strains. he looks at mingyu with so much forlorn. “if i let you tell me, what would change?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>potentially everything</span>
  </em>
  <span>, mingyu wants to tell him but in the end, he ultimately decides against it. “nothing.” he opted to say instead with false conviction to cover up the cracks in his answer. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“i broke your trust and hurt you. i ruined our marriage. i ruined everything and hearing my side won’t make it worse nor better. nothing changes, wonwoo; but i will spend every second of my life repenting for it even if it’s useless.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>mingyu knows he’s making the right choice and it has to be protecting wonwoo from anymore pain he could potentially cause. he understands that this is the very least he could do and it is a huge sacrifice on his part. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“if setting things right means letting you go,” he says, gazing directly through wonwoo’s soft eyes. “then it is no longer a matter of debate, i gladly will. i just want you to be happy, wonwoo. i want you to forget me and erase all traces of me in your life.  that’s how much i love you.”</span>
</p>
<p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>the truth is, mingyu never wanted to cheat on the only love of his life. in his heart, he never did. but the act was something that had to be done and if you ask him if he will do it again, he will do it over and over again if there is no other option to protect wonwoo. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>well, the trouble all began with son chaerin. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>a cunning bitch who would go through great lengths if it meant getting her hands on what she wanted to have and at the time, it was mingyu. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>in the beginning, mingyu didn’t think of her kindness as anything. she was his superior and he was ecstatic that there was someone with son chaerin’s caliber that appreciated his talent. mingyu was flattered but that was it. he saw her as his mentor, nothing else. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>he was aware that chaerin had an attitude and she had the ability to derail an entire career with a snap of her blood red fingers. however, he thought that she just held high standards. he was not aware that she was a scheming bitch who manipulated people to bend to her whims. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>underneath all the compliments and praises, the small gifts she left at his desk (‘rewards’ as she would call them), and friendliness was a massive ploy. it was no wonder why his colleagues referred to him as her new toy. chaerin was plotting to get him to bed with her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“mingyu-ssi, i have a proposition for you.” she said. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>chaerin had invited mingyu to dinner at a place with a menu that cost more than what he made for a month. they were in a room exclusive for them two, only with a waitress that stood outside the door on stand-by. the meal was sumptuous as mingyu hoped it would but he could also sense something ominous hanging in the air. it was tugging the pit of his stomach. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>she reached for her purse and fished out a sleek grey card with two deft fingers. “i only have your best interests in mind and it will be a great loss on your part if you decline my offer.” she leaned forward across the table, sliding the card right in front of him. </span>
</p>
<p>“what do you mean, ma’am?” mingyu asked slowly, studying the card laid out in front of him. there was a number printed in the bottom of the card, right below a foreign name that most likely belonged to a hotel. </p>
<p>
  <span>chaerin curled her lips upward into a blood-curdling smirk. “sleep with me.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>mingyu became a sputtering mess as he choked in his own spit. “pardon?” he blurted out as soon as he drank a tall glass of water to regain his composure. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“don’t pretend you didn’t hear me clearly, mingyu.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“and you know very well that my answer will always be no, chaerin-ssi.” mingyu declined with conviction. he was having none of her preposterous antics. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“oh dear, i certainly can’t take no for an answer.” she crossed her arms and stared mingyu down. “what in the world makes you think that i will? you clearly do not understand what is at stake here.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“i do.” he retorted. “i may not mind losing my job, but i am certainly not above losing my morals. now if you’ll excuse me, i don’t want to waste anymore time here.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>mingyu stood up to leave but before he could take any step further, chaerin stopped him. “oh, i know that you have a lovely husband. what was his name? wonwoo, was it? </span>
</p>
<p>“leave him out of this.” mingyu grit through his teeth. </p>
<p>
  <span>“how would he feel if i told him that you very much wanted to sleep with me? forced me even, but i said no? trust me, they’ll always believe the woman over you.” she said, feigning dramatics. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>mingyu stood by the door unfazed. “you could never make me submit to your whims, chaerin-ssi. i am not intimidated by your empty threats.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>chaerin laughed as she rose from her seat to get close to him. “you don’t know what i’m capable of, dear.” she said as he slipped the card in the front pocket of mingyu’s blazer, then ran her hands down to his chest. he pulled her hand away rather harshly, glaring down at her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“oops, i’m sorry.” chaerin gasped, covering her mouth with her hands. “i guess you’ll have to see me around, dear. i’m not easy to get rid of.” she said mockingly as she flipped her hair and strut past mingyu, leaving him standing there dumbfounded and fuming with anger. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>from that moment on, mingyu knew chaerin would do everything in her power to break him. she tried to test his spirit when it came to work; made him perform all those useless tasks, set him up for failures that would risk losing his job, and each time, mingyu would find a way to get through it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>if chaerin was relentless in making mingyu suffer, then he was resilient. it was a dangerous game the two of them were playing but as it turned out, chaerin was excellent at playing her cards right, catching mingyu off-guard at this game with the worst trick up her tailored sleeves. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>after what seemed to be an easy day at work, mingyu had been elated to come home to wonwoo and enjoy the rest of the night. however, that didn’t seem to be the case. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>mingyu swore he had never ran as fast in his life. the whole sprint felt like a race against time as he bolted across the wide hospital floor looking for wonwoo. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>he had been driving home, bags of wonwoo’s favorite chinese take-out sitting on the passenger’s seat, when he got the phone call. never in his life did mingyu feel the helpless horror of losing someone until then. the uncertainty left him praying to the heavens to spare his husband. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>mingyu was led to a room where his husband was kept confined, with the company of a colleague who took the responsibility to take wonwoo to the hospital. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“what happened to him?” mingyu asked jeonghan as he rushed beside his husband’s sleeping form. it was a relief to see the steady rise and fall of wonwoo’s chest as he breathed but the sight of a bruise blooming on the side of his face made mingyu bubble with rage. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“wonwoo-ssi was attacked when he was about to get in his car.” jeonghan told him with a shaky breath. “he sustained bruises and a mild concussion but the doctor said he should be fine with a little more rest.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“thank you jeonghan-ssi, for taking care of wonwoo.” mingyu said, turning to the older one who stood at the foot of the bed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“it’s the least i could do.” jeonghan said with a weary expression on his face. “i’m so sorry i couldn’t make it in time to save him from his attacker.” </span>
</p>
<p>“it’s alright.” mingyu tried to assure him. “this is more than enough already. besides, no one saw it coming. it could happen to anyone but thankfully, wonwoo had you there.” </p>
<p>
  <span>“mingyu-ssi,” jeonghan cleared his throat. “the police told me that none of wonwoo’s essential belongings were gone. they’re considering the fact that this attack was premeditated.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“what do you mean?” mingyu furrowed his eyebrows. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jeonghan gazed at mingyu with worry etched on his face. “by any chance, is there someone who you know who intends to harm you or wonwoo? the police asked me earlier but i have no clue. wonwoo and i are close but he has never mentioned anything that alarmed him.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>it did not take more than a second for things to click in mingyu’s head. there is only one person on earth who was more than capable to reach these lengths to prove their point. mingyu knew what he had to do. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>mingyu stood up from his spot and left a soft kiss atop his husband’s head before heading straight to the door to leave. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“where are you going?” jeonghan questioned him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>mingyu turned to him. “jeonghan-ssi, can i ask for one more favor?” he asked. “please stay with wonwoo and make sure he’s okay. i have something to take care of.” </span>
</p>
<p>jeonghan looked like he wanted to ask more, but then he opted not to and instead, he just reluctantly agreed. mingyu didn’t know how to explain the situation as well so he just thanked the older one and left. </p>
<p>
  <span>it was probably a wise decision that mingyu opted not to throw away the key card. he needed answers and he knew exactly where to find them. the worst part was, his answer was splayed on the cream leather couch, robed with red silk and a flute of champagne in hand. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“i knew you’d come.” chaerin spoke, mouth forming a wide triumphant grin. “i see you got my message.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“son chaerin, haven’t i made it clear that you leave my husband out of this?” mingyu spat. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>chaerin put down her drink and sat up straight. “where is the fun in that, my dear?” her tone was sweet but it was dripping with acid. “i had to make sure i win.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“you almost got my husband killed!” he snapped. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“you needed the nudge, honey.” chaerin said, her lips curled in a devious smirk. “and i won’t hesitate to do it again if it means seeing you suffer.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>mingyu knew that reasoning out with her won’t go in his favor. chaerin’s antics were getting more violent by the second. should he wait for things to reach their worst or does he do something about it now? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>mingyu was stuck in between a rock and a hard place. truly, he could handle chaerin’s games by himself but with wonwoo getting dragged into this mess, it was definite that something has to give. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“fine.” mingyu said. </span>
</p>
<p>chaerin’s eyes widened in surprise but more than that, she was pleased by the turn of events. </p>
<p>
  <span>“but in one condition.” he said firmly, raising his head to feign confidence when deep down, mingyu wanted to shit his pants in fear. “you leave wonwoo alone.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>chaerin rose from her seat and circled around mingyu, like a predator sizing up her prey. he tried his best to bite his disgust as she ran her fingers all over his body. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“it’s a done deal.” she smiled. “but i will have my own terms too, mingyu-ssi.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>of course, there was a catch. </span>
</p>
<p>she stood in front of mingyu and wrapped her arms on his neck, leaning in close enough that he could feel her hot breaths. she started to nip at him, starting from the base of his neck, working her way up to his ear and mingyu just stood there frigid the entire time. </p>
<p>
  <span>“you can’t say no to me.” she whispered in his ear. “if you do, i will not hesitate to get rid of your husband completely so no one gets in the way between us.” </span>
</p>
<p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“mingyu.” </span>
</p>
<p>mingyu blinks once. twice. wonwoo is right in front of him, draping a blanket over his back. “y-you did not have to.” he stammers, flustered by the gesture. </p>
<p>“you’re shivering from the cold.” wonwoo points out to him. “and you’re wearing a thin shirt.” </p>
<p>mingyu looks down on his clothes and frowns, mostly to himself. “oh, yeah. it’s usually not this cold back in seoul so it must have slipped my mind.” </p>
<p>
  <span>“yeah, right.” wonwoo says as he returns to his seat. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>mingyu stares at wonwoo, studies his features as they are illuminated under the bright moonlight. from the sharp eyes down to the slope of his tall nose, down to the lips he used to kiss all of the time; mingyu tries to ingrain each into his memory because he knows once their time is up, wonwoo will be nothing but a part of his memory. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>wonwoo is right next to him but he feels out of reach. it makes mingyu’s heart wrench so he drowns the pain away with the bitter burn of beer down his throat. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>a couple of seconds later, drops of rain sputter on the ground--- starting gradually, then full-blown as if they are commiserating with mingyu’s feeling of sadness.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“we should head in.” wonwoo tells him as the wind begins to blow the rain towards their direction. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>mingyu reluctantly agrees even if he wants to stay a little longer with wonwoo but they will be soaked in the rain if they don’t. the nicer things in life never last long, he supposes so he follows wonwoo inside with a heavy heart.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“wonwoo.” mingyu calls out to him softly. he doesn’t even know if the older one heard him but wonwoo has turned to face him, making mingyu panic a little. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“hm?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>mingyu contemplates on lying that he forgot what he’s supposed to say but wonwoo is looking at him with wide eyes, so he goes for it. “tonight was nice.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“yeah, i liked it too.” wonwoo hums. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“i, uh, i’m glad you did.” mingyu says awkwardly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“mingyu?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“yeah?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>wonwoo opens his mouth to say something but shakes his head instead. mingyu can tell he’s nervous because his nibbling on his bottom lip again. god, this is such an awkward exchange. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“nothing, i just want to tell you good night.” wonwoo blurts out bashfully as he hides his hands behind him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“okay.” mingyu mumbles. “good night to you too.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>mingyu turns on his heel to retreat to the living room where he will be sleeping tonight. he is about three strides in when wonwoo stops him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“mingyu, wait!” </span>
</p>
<p>mingyu freezes. wonwoo approaches him, determined. and before mingyu could fully comprehend what is truly happening, wonwoo cups mingyu’s face as he pulls the taller boy closer towards him. </p>
<p>
  <span>“if you can’t afford me an explanation then can you grant me this?” wonwoo asks as he looks straight into him, eyes wider than normal. their faces are both dangerously close to each other with barely an inch to spare. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“anything for you, love.” mingyu breathes out as he lays his hands over wonwoo’s wrists and comfortingly rubs them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>wonwoo looks at him again for one second, before he leans in, sealing the gap between them as he presses his lips against mingyu’s. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>in that moment, mingyu feels like his entire body is being set on fire.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i don't know if i will be able to tackle this again in the future chapters but in case you are wondering about chaerin; she is out of the country. right after wonwoo caught her and mingyu in 4k, chaerin's corruption issues were unearthed (aside from her abusing people) forcing her to flee the country thus, making her unable to bother anyone because if she does, she gets sent right to jail in order to rot. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>i have to be honest, it wasn't easy writing this monster of a chapter down. aside from the fact that mingyu's pov is highly anticipated, it's also one of the major turning points of this fic and i am quite nervous on how you will all receive it. i didn't mean to make mingyu heroic but let's just say we do the unthinkable when it comes to love and i wanted him to be redeemable. i'm not saying cheating is a noble act--- it will never be but this is fiction and fiction is dramatic. but like i said before, let us be more accepting to redemption and the fact that people are capable of changing for the better. we all make mistakes but we shouldn't let it define us, you know? </p>
<p>anyway, at this point i am just rambling hehe but please, please, do not hesitate to leave down comments, kudos, thoughts, analysis, criticism, suggestions and violent reactions. i am really anticipating on hearing your thoughts. </p>
<p>thank you so much for your support. i will continue to do my best in this fic. see you next update!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. nine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>happy minwon day! (i didn't know!) </p><p>just a heads-up, there's smut in this chapter. read at your own discretion. 😉</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>here are songs i recommend listening to while reading this chapter: </p><p>eyes, nose, lips (english ver.) by epik high and taeyang https://open.spotify.com/track/2UMmoa8MP15tHnTFpO6A1E?si=3xU0Qb2AQHCfgUqNWmjMJg</p><p>don't by eAeon (ft. RM)<br/>https://open.spotify.com/track/6KE3Fs6LMzi4hJI3eFqyLC?si=BNsnxeVETCm8rdP_fVOiDw</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>the moment wonwoo connected their lips, a surge of electricity courses through mingyu initiating a combustion reaction. inward, flames lick every single fiber of his being, turning his insides into goo and every single coherent thought of his goes flying out the window.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>the kiss in itself is frigid. wonwoo has his eyes closed as mingyu stands there not really knowing what to do. so he stays still. wonwoo doesn’t really move either, it’s just lips pressed against each other. it’s awkward at best to the eye of an outsider. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>ten seconds, feeling like eternity, mingyu musters the willpower to pull away from wonwoo; the taste of the other’s lips lingering on his. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“wonwoo.” mingyu breathes out as he draws the other man’s hands down. “what are you doing?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“i don’t know.” wonwoo bites on his bottom lip, much like a child who is lost and unsure of what to do. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“this isn’t right.” mingyu says with a lilt to his tone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“but i want it.” wonwoo argues weakly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>it would be a lie if mingyu says that he doesn’t want it too when in fact, there is nothing more in this world that he misses than the connection that intimacy with wonwoo provides. he longs for wonwoo even if he is right in front of him, but considering circumstances, this is all wrong. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“we can’t do it anymore, remember?” mingyu reminds him even though it hurts to say it out loud. </span>
  <em>
    <span>i can’t have you anymore</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he wants to say. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>wonwoo cries and it pains mingyu to see him like that. he emits a choked sob as tears trickle down his face. mingyu wipes them away gently with his thumb. even when he’s crying, mingyu still finds him beautiful. it’s terrible. </span>
</p><p>“you might regret doing this, wonwoo. you might not feel it now but you will regret it in the morning. and i, i don’t want you to do anymore things you will end up regretting. especially if it involves… me.” mingyu’s voice cracks at the last part. </p><p>
  <span>“just shut up and kiss me, mingyu.” he demands, tired of hearing mingyu’s reluctant bullshit.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>so just like that, mingyu’s defenses come crashing down in a heap of rubble and ash. wonwoo grabs him by the back of his neck and kisses him again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>this time, wonwoo kisses him with intense passion. it is filled with longing and hunger. this time, mingyu returns the favor, matching up wonwoo’s rhythm to gain control. wonwoo tastes a little of the beer he had earlier but past that, mingyu could taste his sweetness. the one he thinks he would never experience again, like kissing wonwoo is a figment of his imagination and not a distant memory. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>wonwoo almost staggers backwards but mingyu stops his fall, planting firm hands at the older one’s lower back to keep him stable and at the same time, gaining the upper-hand. he changes up the rhythm. switching down the fervor to something slower and deeper, the way he wants it as he tugs on wonwoo’s lip to let him in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>wonwoo breaks the kiss momentarily. “do you want to take this inside?” he asks in between gasps of breath. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>mingyu hesitates for a second. is this the right thing to do? it certainly isn’t. but what can he do if wonwoo is looking at him like that? expectant and eager? what fight does mingyu have in him to turn wonwoo down, when he’s presenting his heart again on a silver platter for mingyu to take? how can mingyu say no to him at all?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>mingyu allows himself to be selfish just for once. after all, he’s weak for wonwoo. if they both regret it in the morning, they regret it. but for now, mingyu thinks he has nothing left to lose so he gladly takes the chance. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“only if you want to.” mingyu says.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“i want you to want it too.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“i do.” mingyu whispers over wonwoo’s mouth before pressing another chaste kiss without permission. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“good.” wonwoo smiles. </span>
</p><p>wonwoo leads him inside the bedroom, technically it’s mingyu’s but for the time being, wonwoo uses it. they move around carefully, not to risk waking minyoung who is probably asleep by now. </p><p>after the door is closed with a soft click, mingyu takes charge and kisses wonwoo against the frame. wonwoo drapes his arms around mingyu’s neck as the younger one lifts him off and carries him to the bed. mingyu places him down carefully on the mattress; not once breaking the kiss as he settles on top, knees on both sides of wonwoo’s hips. he cages wonwoo in as he rests his palms on either sides of his shoulders. </p><p>
  <span>wonwoo’s hands roam down from his neck down to his abs, tugging on the hem of mingyu’s shirt. mingyu lets him do whatever he wants. he lets wonwoo help him slide the shirt over his head, tossing the article of clothing on the floor. wonwoo follows suit, leaving them both shirtless in the midst of the cold night. they don’t mind; after all, they both have each other to warm themselves up. </span>
</p><p>“you’re perfect.” mingyu says as he takes in a moment to look at wonwoo in his half-naked glory. wonwoo visibly blushes at the compliment, the gesture really stroking mingyu’s ego. it’s good to know that he still has that effect on him. </p><p>
  <span>mingyu uses this opportunity to map wonwoo’s body with his mouth. his chest swells with pride with every moan wonwoo emits each time he leaves a kiss on a sensitive spot he recalls him to have--- the back of his ear, the base of his neck, the juncture of his clavicle, his nipple, his navel, his sternum, all of it. mingyu gets it right. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“i want you in me.” wonwoo declares breathlessly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>these words send a jolt down mingyu’s spine, shooting straight to his cock. wonwoo is on the same page too, judging by the tent that forms on his pants. he doesn't question it when wonwoo produces a small bottle of lube and a packet of condoms from his bag laying on his bedside. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“force of habit.” wonwoo explains himself. he senses mingyu’s curiosity. he doesn’t have to say it out loud for wonwoo to know. wonwoo gets him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“how do you want it?” mingyu asks as he wastes no time in pulling down his pants, letting it pool on his ankles. next, he leaves a soft kiss on wonwoo’s hip before he tugs down the older one’s bottoms with his teeth in one go. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“i want to see you.” wonwoo says. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>mingyu’s breath hitches at the sight of wonwoo. naked but beautiful, splayed in front of him like a gift with a metaphorical bow that’s waiting for him to undo. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“okay, i got you.” mingyu affirms, spreading his legs further apart for easier access. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>he coats his fingers with lube and teases the older boy to open up slowly. he scissors wonwoo’s opening with utmost care and precision, the way he remembers his husband likes it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“is this good?” he asks as he curls in a finger right up on the sweet spot, making wonwoo writhe in bliss. his mewls make mingyu’s ears ring. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“your long fingers are quite godsend but please, can you put it in me already?” wonwoo whines under him, making mingyu laugh in endearment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“eager.” mingyu snorts. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>he follows wonwoo’s orders, grabbing his own cock by the base and lining it up on the older’s fluttering hole. wonwoo whimpers as he pushes it in slowly so mingyu tries to distract him with open kisses to his lips and his neck. mingyu moves slowly to give him more time to adjust. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“more, mingyu.” wonwoo begs. “i want more.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>mingyu obliges; but before he does, he intertwines his hand with wonwoo as a form of assurance that he won’t hurt him. he buries his face on the crook of the older one’s neck as he thrusts in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>a staccato of moans, deep and mellifluous, fill the room. he drinks in wonwoo’s entirety from his tight heat up to the touches he imprints on mingyu’s skin. mingyu revels in all of it. mingyu revels in wonwoo. </span>
</p><p>with each movement, mingyu packs in all the love he isn’t able to show wonwoo all this time and judging the way the other responds, he can feel it. </p><p>
  <span>“i don’t think i’m going to last.” wonwoo cries out as mingyu continues to ram into him steadily. “fuck, you are so good. i missed this. i miss you.” he rambles on. </span>
</p><p>mingyu pretends that he doesn’t hear wonwoo say that he misses him. instead, he distracts himself by putting more kisses on the side of wonwoo’s neck. he ignores the pang in his chest because there is no time to be sad about it. </p><p>it doesn’t take long for wonwoo to finish first with a loud shout of mingyu’s name, spilling hot bursts of cum between the two of them. mingyu continues to fuck into him, gradually decreasing the pace as his own climax is near. </p><p>mingyu follows not long after, the coil in his stomach unfurling strongly as he unloads his own seed into the condom, wrapped around wonwoo’s tight heat. </p><p>mingyu can feel hot tears slip past his eyes as he lets himself come down from the high. it’s not the bliss that makes him cry, it’s the realization of everything coming down on him all at once. </p><p>
  <span>mingyu could never have something as beautiful as this anymore. wonwoo is no longer his and he doesn’t know how he could survive this life without him. </span>
</p><p>“gyu, are you okay?” </p><p>
  <span>wonwoo’s voice gets him out of his thoughts. mingyu extricates himself off wonwoo gently before crashing onto the empty side of the bed. he curls in on himself as violent sobs start to wrack his body. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>for the first time, he has allowed himself to break like this. he gets angry. he gets sad, but he has never cried about it and tonight, the dam just broke. there’s this overwhelming sense of guilt and fear that consumes him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>what now? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>mingyu feels a warm body press against his back and an arm wrapping around his torso. it’s wonwoo and he is here, trying to soothe mingyu down. “it’s okay.” he says softly into mingyu’s ear. “it will be okay.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“i’m really sorry, wonwoo.” mingyu sobs in his hold. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“i’m really sorry too.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>when wonwoo wakes in the morning, the other side of the bed is empty but neatly made-up. it’s like mingyu has erased all traces that he had been there. even in wonwoo’s naked form, he cleaned all evidence of last night as well. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>if wonwoo has spent the last couple of years doubting mingyu’s love for him, last night he has found his answer. mingyu loved him---- no, mingyu loves him more than he could ever think of. but why he chose to break wonwoo’s heart, he will never know. mingyu is keeping it from him and maybe he is right. it’s much better if he doesn’t know. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>wonwoo almost expects the regret to weigh over him just as mingyu predicted, but it never happens. what washes over him though is a sense of hollowness that he can’t explain. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>as it turns out, mingyu has returned to seoul without him. wonwoo learns this when minyoung ropes him in to join her for breakfast. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“gyu said his office called him in for something really urgent.” minyoung says as she puts down a bowl of kimchi fried rice in front of him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“oh, why didn’t he wake me up?” he asks. </span>
</p><p>“he said you were sleeping soundly so he didn’t want to wake you up.” she tells him with a fond smile. “he just made this breakfast really quickly before he left and told me to make sure that you eat it before you leave.” </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>of course, mingyu is always unfair just like that</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he thinks to himself as he brings a spoonful of rice to his mouth. the familiar flavors of comfort dancing in his tongue. mingyu might not tell him this but he knows why he really left. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>on the other hand, minyoung fawns over him like the usual. like nothing happened. like nothing changed. it is a far cry from the somber mood she had yesterday. in fact, she has kept refuge inside her bedroom the entire day and ignored her sons who tried to coax her out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“eomma, are you still mad at me?” he asks, unsure. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>minyoung sets down her chopsticks and shoots him a pointed look. “wonwoo-yah, what makes you think i am? do you want me to be?” she teases. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>wonwoo breaks out into a nervous laugh. “no, eomma. i was just wondering.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>she lays her hand on the table and stretches out a palm for wonwoo to take. he puts a palm on top of hers and she covers it with her other one, rubbing it soothingly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“yes, i was upset.” she says, drawing out a sigh. “i just can’t bring myself to believe that you and mingyu are over. i sensed that there was something wrong. gyu is terrible at hiding things from me but i didn’t expect it to be this bad. i thought it was just a hiccup in your relationship, something that can be fixed by a long talk between two adults. i wanted to fix the two of you but i have no power to do that. that’s why i felt deeply upset.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>minyoung pauses as she bites back a sob. “but on top of that, i was more upset over the fact that i will lose a son--- a wonderful one at that.” she looks at wonwoo with the most apologetic eyes. “wonwoo-yah, i am so so sorry that i have raised a son who failed to love and cherish his husband properly. i have failed you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>wonwoo draws his gaze away from her as he stops his own tears from flowing too. “you had nothing to do with it, eomma.” he reassures her with a forced smile. “it was between us, and i am so sorry too for making you feel this way.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>later that day, minyoung sends him off at the ktx station with two additional bags filled with food and a warm embrace. there is still five minutes before he has to board the train and he spends it with her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“wonwoo-yah,” she says, reaching out to his shoulder to squeeze it. “i hope you will still consider me your mother in spite of everything. you are still a son to me just as mingyu is, even if you’re no longer tied to him.” </span>
</p><p>“of course, eomma.” he tells her. “nothing changes.” </p><p>
  <span>just in time, the train comes and people start to pile in. he lingers for a moment to leave a soft kiss on top of his mother-in-law’s head before joining the crowd on the train to seoul. he peeks through the window, she’s still standing there and with a forlorn smile, they wave to each other goodbye. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>mingyu moves out of the house. he has told wonwoo that he’s staying with seungkwan until he finds a place near his work. they talked about it over dinner, exactly two weeks before the divorce would be finalized. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>wonwoo had no qualms about it when mingyu had brought it up. it’s not like he had a say about it either. instead, he swallows the lump in his throat and tries his best to be supportive about it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>after daegu, things are amicable between them, but it is obvious. they are ignoring the elephant in the room. at least, they’re no longer fighting, right? that’s what wonwoo thinks to himself in hopes of consoling his hurting and confused heart. </span>
</p><p>on the day mingyu finally leaves the house, wonwoo runs to soonyoung for solace. his friend indulges him, knowing fully well why wonwoo is running away. it’s not healthy, he knows but he understands that it is a difficult time and his friendship is all that he could offer him. </p><p>on some days, junhui  joins them. some days, wonwoo works himself to the bone. he’s doing everything in his power not to come back to an empty home. he has thought that without mingyu there, things would be better; but he was wrong. so, so wrong. </p><p>
  <span>there are times when he’s tempted to contact mingyu but stops himself just in time before his thumb presses on that call button. he thinks of self-preservation. what good will it do? he and mingyu are over. </span>
</p><p>the next time he finally sees mingyu, it’s inside the courtroom, on the day of the final hearing. he keeps on glancing over to the other side of the room, where his husband is seated next to his own lawyer. </p><p>mingyu’s hair is now cropped short. he’s wearing the baby blue button-up wonwoo has bought him before. he looks good--- still as handsome as the day wonwoo first met him. the thought makes his heart lurch. </p><p>he hopes mingyu would look his way just once, but it almost never happens. mingyu looks at him, but it was just a fleeting second. invisible to the untrained eye.  wonwoo thinks he might have just imagined the whole thing. </p><p>the court approves the separation. it feels unreal, like a dream wonwoo badly wants to wake up from. he and mingyu are no more; it’s now set in paper. </p><p>
  <span>“i think it’s not too late for you to find your true love, jeon-ssi.” his lawyer tells him outside the grand wooden doors of the courtroom after the hearing gets adjourned. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>i already found my true love but i lost him today</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he wants to say but decides against it. “i don’t think i will for a while though.” he lies instead. “there’s no rush.” </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>i don’t think i could love anyone else than him. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>mingyu is standing on one of the steps that lead up to the courthouse. wonwoo doesn’t hesitate on walking over to him, the tug of his heart stronger than the voice at the back of his head telling him no. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“mingyu.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>mingyu turns to him and puts on a lopsided smile. “hi wonwoo.” he says. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>wonwoo stands beside him, awkward silence filling in the distance between them. he racks up his brain for things to say. there is a lot that he wants to say but he ends up saying none. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>thankfully, mingyu breaks the silence for him. “so this is it, huh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“yeah, i suppose so.” wonwoo hums. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>mingyu reaches for his chin and tilts wonwoo’s head towards him. his eyes are sad but he puts on a smile for wonwoo. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“thank you so much for everything.” he says. “go and be happy, okay? live your life the way you want to. i will always root for you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>mingyu caresses the side of wonwoo’s face, like he’s trying to ingrain wonwoo’s features into his memory. as if this is the last time they will be seeing each other. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“mingyu.” wonwoo holds onto his hand tightly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“i love you.” mingyu says. “i always will.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“i know.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>wonwoo and mingyu look at each other’s eyes for one last time before the younger one pulls away. wonwoo stands there helpless as he watches mingyu retreat from him, farther and farther until he is out of sight. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>regret blossoms in wonwoo’s heart, the kind that tells him he shouldn’t have let mingyu go but it’s too late. regret always comes in inconveniently late. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>not gonna lie, i almost cried when i was in the process of writing down this chapter. i just feel so sad that mingyu and wonwoo are officially over but i feel like it is necessary in order for them to move forward and hopefully come back as stronger people. </p><p>also, sad break-up sex to celebrate the end of arc one of wonwoo and mingyu's tragic marriage story. to be honest, i was initially planning for implied sex but i just ended up writing out the whole thing and it's my first time doing so. (hopefully, i did well 🤞🏻) </p><p>p.s. i am really dying to know what your thoughts are for this chapter! don't forget to leave down comments and kudos below. thank you and see you next update!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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